Lollipop Day Dreams

I was home.  Music on and my mind desperate for some type of release from the back logged emotions from the past few days.  Mere days spent with him.  From meeting him at that party last weekend to meeting him in his office just last night and the texts and calls in between.  And they weren’t just texts.  There was meaning and depth to them.  Not like love meaning but, a connection.  That wire from him to me that went from his eyes to my mouth.  From his lips to my skin.  From his voice to my stomach and from his body to mine.  I have never felt pure lust for someone like I do him.  The desire, the ache, the want and need is compulsive and nearly dependent.  I am strung out on him.

I plug my phone in and take off my clothes from the work day.  I walk from my room to the bathroom strolling a bit to the beat of the music echoing from my IPod speaker in the kitchen and catch my reflection in the mirror.  I am standing there naked and I give myself a once over.  I cannot help but smile just at the thought of him naked with me.  Just last night his body was on top of mine.  He was resting on me.  His skin was touching my skin.  I had to close my eyes and take a deep breath to calm my racing thoughts.  It didn’t work.  I was there all over again.  I could smell him on my skin, taste him on my tongue and instantly I wanted more, again.  His hands taking mine in his and placing them above my head as they interlocked while he moved with me.  Those hungry baby blues looked all grown up from my point of view while he trialed kisses and bites down my stomach landing at the waist of my jeans only to look up at me and give me a grin as he undid the button and slid down the zipper.  He pulled them off and continued with the kisses and I am pretty sure now that I am seeing myself, he left a nice mark or two on my thighs.  I run my hand along the tiny bruises and roll my finger around them and then my stomach drops and I cannot take it.  I need more.  Again.  The way he controlled me and himself was professional like.  His movements were executed so precisely and deliberately.  All for the purpose of pleasuring me and taking me the alluring height of pure satisfaction.  That was a guarantee made just by our first everlasting kiss in the hallway.  If he could make me feel like that just from a kiss, I knew if we did more, I may never be the same woman.  And I wasn’t.  I was addicted.

I could barely sit still at work today.  Checking my phone every two minutes and when he did send a message I about knocked over my water bottle to grab it as it dinged and I had to get a hold of myself.  It just said “meet me in the park near Delaware”  I text back  “when”.  It dinged back “now”.  I didn’t even think.  I grabbed my jacket and left rushing past the offices with doors shut and phones ringing and almost jogging past the front desk girl who’s name escapes me at this moment and said “I have an appointment, I will be back”  I don’t even know if she answered me.  I didn’t care.  I walked as fast as I could from my office to the park.  It was about 4 blocks from my office and actually near my apartment.  I was hustling.  I got there and looked around.  I tried to compose myself as I was out of breath.  I walked around the little grounds keeping building and there he stood.  My angel of mercy he was undeniably the sexiest thing I have ever seen.  His hair pulled back.  Dark glasses on.  Dressed in a sweater and a jacket as it was mid fall.  His hands in his pockets and his mind elsewhere from what I could see.  I walked towards him trying to keep my stride from a full on sprint and he looked up.  I held my breath as I got closer.  Our eyes secured on one another and he smiled as he looked up.  I exhaled then and didn’t stop walking until I was right in front of him.  His hands came out of his pockets and he took a few steps towards me and he took his glasses off and stuck them in his jacket pocket and his hands came up to my cheeks and gently pulled my face up and his mouth was on mine.  It was literally so fluid that it was like we had rehearsed it.  In seconds his tongue was searching for entry into my mouth and then I was turned towards the rail he’d been leaning on.  My mind was swirling and my body drowning in passion that was pouring out of him onto me.  He was kissing me like he was ravenous and I was just as thirsty as he was.  Drinking in his every movement. I was manic for him.

“I needed you” he said finally.  “You have me” I answered him as I pulled him back down to my lips.  We kept kissing.  I finally inched back and tried to get a grip on the fact that we were in fact in public and he stopped and looked at me.  I smiled and said “I could barely get up for work this morning” “Mmmmm, well, then I didn’t do my job fully then Miss Parker”  I laugh and realize that his hands are nicely tucked up under my jacket and shirt in the back and my breath hitches a bit at this feeling. He notices. “I can’t keep my hands off of you” he says.  “Um, then don’t Mr. Kroy” I say back with some sass.  “Last night was, well, it was quite amazing” I mention.  “It was fucking phenomenal Zoey” he says as he leans in again and we continue our traditional make out session.

So it was for him to then.  My God.  This man, this sexual creature that has taken over the jurisdiction of my mind is just as taken by me as I am him.  Why?  I am just a girl in the big city working for a small gallery with not much to my name who wears Chucks to work everyday and skinny jeans with t-shirts when I go out and when I saw him today it was as if he’d stepped out of a popular men’s magazine.  I know puzzle pieces are different and that’s the point that each one is different yet they all come together to fit and bring the puppy picture or the replicated masterpiece to life.  Either way, I was his.  His for the taking and the liking. And holy shit, did I like it.   So much so, I invited him over after he gets done with his work day.  When I had seen him in the park today he’d agreed to it as I asked him to take me anywhere we could be alone but he had business to attend to and told me tonight he was free and he would do whatever I wanted as soon as he could.  So now, here I stand in my bathroom, shower running, prepping for another night with Alex still high from the park and buzzed from last night.  The sounds, the moves, the gentle force he brings with him weakens me. His touch alone sets me on fire, his lips burn my skin and his naked body so disciplined and limitless.  Endowing in ecstasy.  It was an outbreak of rapture. And I was adorned with frenzied want for him.  All tangled up in it and soon to be intertwined with him yet again.  I may never recover from this devils delight of a man.  Nothing good can come of this long term but I will stay tuned one day at time that’s for sure.  Bring on the hot water to wash the sin from soul for my will is not my own……thank God!

I needed a fix and I needed it bad.

He’s invited me up to his office for dinner as he’s had to work late for a special client all week.  We have exchanged some texts and had a very steamy late night phone call that had I not been under the weather could have seriously been a booty call.  And yes, I was more than tempted.  Hell, all it takes is his soft, low and hungry voice to make me want to do things my Grandmother would die over.  Sweaty, drippy kinds of things that are only imagined when I am alone and able to fully enjoy the heat of my own blushed cheeks as the thoughts roll around my head and my stomach dives down deep touching that spot between my thighs that makes me adjust my sitting position.  Oh yea, those were the things I was thinking about.

I arrive on time and head into the modern art adorned building where I am greeted by a security guard that says he knew I was coming and tells me to use the elevator on the left.  I hop in and hit the 27 button and take a deep breath.  I am full of  all those teenage vibes.  The ones that make you want to run away and never see him again mixed with the ones that make you want to run TO him and never ever stop kissing him and declare you devoted love to him like something straight out of some early Reese Witherspoon movie.  I checked my reflection in the elevator doors as they opened.  Outfit looked good.  Casual yet hip and my red lips were ready for some action.  Or so I hoped.  I imagined leaving kiss marks from his chest to his abdomen as I slid it on in the mirror before I left my place.  I got those twinges as I thought about it.  How does he do that to me?

I see a large desk with paintings over it and the name of the firm above them.  I look around and wonder which office is his and then I hear music coming from one down the hall.  I can smell food too.  God I didn’t realize I was even hungry until that moment.  I walked slowly down the redwood hallway.  The big heavy doors lined them with windows next to them where I peeked in to see photos and trinkets on the desks.  A little home away from home for the people who worked here.  The lights were low and gentle shining up from the sconces on the walls.  It felt warm.  Inviting.  I come to one of the last offices as the music got louder and peered inside from around the open door.  There he was sitting on the side of his desk.  A large constructed desk with papers about and a table near it with 6 chairs around it.  Bags of food sitting on it from some place he called for carry out.  A brown leather couch with two arm chairs sat  near the large floor to ceiling window that showed off the city lights with purpose. The lamp was lit on the one end and the lights were turned down too.

He was dressed in a what looked like a white sweatshirt and worn jeans with dressier shoes that made his feet look huge.  How in the world could he make a sweatshirt look expensive and so fucking hot?  His hair was combed back away from his face with product in it to make it look smooth and settled.  I wanted to touch it.  His face was clean shaven this time.  Which was good since my chin just healed from the stubble burn from that make out session at the party.  I could have cared less though.  It felt so good every time I touched it because I remembered how I got it.  He looked up at me from his work and smiled.  Those sinfully delicious lips formed into that grin.  And those eyes. God, those eyes full of lust and desire like welled azure pools that I wanted to dive into naked and unafraid.

I stood there like a child on Christmas morning staring at all the glorious presents laid out by Santa the night before.  I was in awe of him.  He was cosmically textured.  He was phantasmically beautiful.  And oh my God I was ALONE with him.  The music was coming from a sound system on his book covered shelves and he smiled at me.  “Hello Zoey” he said.  His voice was so heavy it almost took me down when he spoke.  I wanted to drop my jacket and purse and attack him. I smiled and said “Hi Alex” as he stood up.  He was so tall compared to me.  His long and lean frame standing in the low light with the fitted shirt and jeans fitted as well made me swallow hard and breath in quickly.  He could tell.  I know it.  I waited as long as I could and I walked towards him.  Do I hug him?  Do I shake his hand?  I mean what do I do here?  Well, that got answered as soon as he met me in the middle of that office and took my jacket from my hands and my purse and sat them on the table and said “are you hungry, I got us some food” as he stood inches from my body.  I was hungry.  So hungry but no way could I eat.  “I am but….” I began bu,t as soon as I did he lunged at me.  Our mouths hit and it was like an explosion.  All lips and teeth and tongues and hands all over.  I could barely stand it was so powerful.  The air was palpable right before it happened.  It was like slow motion but sped up to catch up with time as we knew it right at that moment.  I had been paralyzed by his presence but as soon as we touched, I was revived.

In between kisses and grunts and groans and movements he stopped “I missed you.  I did.  I couldn’t get you out of my damn head” he said gasping for air and kissing me again.  “Zoey, what the hell did you do to me?” he questioned.  “I didn’t do anything but kiss you” I answered as we continued.  “More, I want more of you, all of you” he said as he picked me up and moved us over to the couch.  He laid me down gently and slowly lowered himself on me with reassuring eyes on mine as if to ask me if I was ok with this.  To feel him on me was nearly all I could take.  I moved to better feel him.  He moved to better feel me and we moved together.  He pulled his sweatshirt off over his head revealing his toned body underneath.  He had tattoos on his chest and forearms.  I looked at them and sat up to kiss his chest.  He moved to allow it.  He was so warm and smelled fresh and woodsy.  A mix of laundry detergent and sandalwood with mint. I wanted to eat him alive.  My hands tracing the muscles on his back and wrapping around him up by his shoulders.  I knew I needed to be next to remove an article of clothing and I was thrilled to do so as I was actually wearing my favorite bra and panties that matched and everything.  It was lace that the woman and the store assured me it wasn’t itchy and very sexy and it was.  So, off my green sweater came with his help.  Our shirts laying on the floor of his office as he lay on top of me kissing and caressing me.  Taking his time with me.  Feeling me.  Setting fire to me with himself.  It was as if I was the sun was kissing my skin it was so hot.  His mouth, his teeth, his hands had made friends with every part of my exposed skin and they were getting along very well.  He was very attentive.  I was alive and awake and ready.  So ready.  The music was perfect.  The location was suitable with the low light and the soft worn leather couch with the city scape behind us to light the room even more.  Alexander Kroy was going to have me, all of me, and I was going to let him.

 

The sun is blazing through the crack in the drapes trickling onto the comforter still wrapped around me on my bed.  I blink over and over trying to adjust to the light.  I move a little and stretch.  My body seems sore and achy.  I roll over onto my side and look at the red numbers on my bedside clock.  I feel like I have been asleep for only  minutes but my God it’s after eleven.  I close my eyes again and the memories come rushing back crashing into me like waves.  I try to catch my breath as I keep getting pulled under.

Oh. My. God.  Alexander.

Who was he? My dark mystery man that took me up those stairs to that stark white hallway in some foreign house and I let him.  I let him lead my by his chipped black finger nail polished hand.  His touch so gentle yet fierce just like those eyes that pierced through the dark of night right into my thoughts.  I have never done anything like that.  Nor wanted to.  The way he moved towards me so stealth and steady.  His stride was powerful and real.  His steps sending vibrations up through my feet directly to the drop in my stomach.  My mouth dried as I tried not to let him see me shiver with wonderment.   The way his mouth moved when he spoke to me made me suck in my bottom lip and bite it trying to not feel the extreme rush of hormones surging up from my groin directly to my brain.  I was all wet with teenage vibes so sticky that I was caught in some weird web of lust and cologne blown in from the autumn breeze and I didn’t care if I was about to be this man spiders next meal.  I wanted to be eaten.  To be taken in by him.  Bite by delectable bite.

My back was sore from being pressed up against that wall so hard for so long and my ability to stand was questionable at this point.  God, I don’t think my worst hangover felt this wild.  I was intoxicated in a different way.  I moved in my bed smiling as my stomach fell with the remembrance of his lips on mine.  His teeth scraping at my bottom lip and his tongue tracing both of them.  He said at one point I tasted like honey or chocolate or something sweet after he had kissed and licked my neck.  I smiled and said it was my moisturizer that tasted sweet and he leaned in and asked directly into my ear “so are you eatable Zoey?” I actually moaned at the thought of that question.  Was I?  Would I let it go that far with this man who’s last name I still don’t know.  Dear God yes I would.  He was flawless and energized with something.  Something I wanted.  Something I craved and didn’t even know I craved until he looked at me the way he did on that patio.  I trusted him. Why, I don’t know but I did.  He felt safe and harmless but excitingly dangerous all at the same time.  I was hooked.  And I had no idea if our pornographic make out session was our one and only.  It was so amazing.  I have never felt like that before.  To be worshiped like that by a man was absolutely unbelievable.  And just kissing.  Just kissing.  Only in my erotic novel filled fantasies has it been that good.  His hands on my cheeks cupping them while he kissed me leaving me in a trance as he moved from my lips to my forehead to my left cheek and along my jaw line up to my ear where he said things to me as he nipped at my ear lobe.  Then repeated on the other side.  I wanted to wrap my legs around him and have him pick me up and carry me to that made up room in my head.  Hell, I just wanted to be horizontal with him.  I wanted to feel the weight of him on top of me.  His body on mine.  While the kissing continued those black nail polished fingers dipped under my t-shirt and he pulled back with his eyes questioning me if it was ok for them to be there.  I reassured him by moving into his touch and smiling as he inched his way under.  My skin was on fire so his pale  hands cooled by the fall air just moments before on the patio felt absolutely marvelous.  I am surprised there wasn’t an audible sizzle to go along with his touch against me.  I certainly felt it though.  He didn’t roam very much under there.  His hands staid firm on my lower back and gently slid up to hold me closer to him.  It was like he just wanted to feel me.  To genuinely touch my bare skin.  His reaction to me was sensationally sexy.  His body seemed to connect with mine from some invisible wire or something.  It was other worldly, cosmic almost I would dare to say like we were in some recreated moment from a past life together.  It felt so exquisite.  His hands were magical.

I lost all track of time.  It seemed like hours had gone by in that hallway.  Soon there were voices and he looked down the hall and then back down at me.  Little ol’ me surrendered in his arms against that wall.  My hair a mess and his too as my hands had been all in it and his in mine.  My shirt half up my back and his jacket dropped on the floor from the luscious heat that had been created in those minutes past.  He smiled at me and pulled me away from the wall and took my hand again as he grabbed his jacket and we headed down the hall.  “Where are we going now?” I asked.  “Somewhere else” he said.  We ended up at the end of the hall in front of a large picture window with a sitting area in front of it.  Two chairs and a bench with a small coffee table and end tables with blue and white country lamps on each end and some old books scattered on each table.  He sat down and patted the cushion next to him.  With swollen lips and my hands adjusting my shirt and tucking my loose hairs away I sat down.  He threw his jacket on the chair and leaned back on the bench.  We hear a door shut and the laughter and chatter from the people quieted.  I looked up at him through nose and face smudged glasses and took them off.  He leaned over to me and ran his thumb over the imprints left from my dark frames.  “Your eyes are stunning” he said as he kissed my forehead again.  “Thank you Alex, so are yours” I replied.  We stared at each other and I wanted nothing more than to straddle his lap and start the kissing all over again.  I was nervous and shy and aching with want.  His eyes darkened and within seconds he was pulling me on to him and I was on his lap with my arms around him and my dirty Converse  on each side of him on the bench with my knees touching him.  I could feel him as he moved enticing me with his hips and his mouth on mine again.  What was I doing with him?  Who am I right now?  Why did he choose me?

My phone buzzes on my nightstand as I am still lost in my memories of last night.  I don’t want to answer it.  It’s my best friend Stephanie calling with a million questions I am sure.  She saw me head out the door with him as he walked me to my car and I gave her the “I’ll call you later” look and never did.  We parted ways after a very appetizing kiss against my car.  Our phone numbers were exchanged and his hand held onto mine until he turned to walk away.  Those hungry burnt blue eyes everlastingly looking at me in my minds eye.  I pulled away and drove home with blistered lips, messy hair, and my body literally set a blaze by this man.  This dark angel of sex and lust.  So, now what.  It’s the next day and I am craving him.  I want more of him.  I want all of him.  Do I text him?  Do I call him?  And if I do, what do I say?  “Hi Alex, I would like to have you to fuck me into next week tonight please”.  He doesn’t seem like a subtle guy so I may just have to lay it on the line but wait…..what if that’s not on his agenda?  I mean, how could it not be after last night.  I know he was enjoying it all, I could tell he was really enjoying it.  And by that last look on his face, he wasn’t done with me and I didn’t want him to be.  Not yet.  Maybe not ever.  I may be fully obsessed with him.  Habitually in lust and under the influence of him.

I need a shower…..

 

 

The room was full of people.  People I didn’t know.  Martini handed women laughing at bad jokes told by men with hard ons that seemed to be more evident to me than the ladies giggling.  Was I one of these desperate drunks ready to be nailed by some random guy with Rolex?  God no I wasn’t.  Hell, I was the only sober person in here.  The music wasn’t quite loud enough and the song choices sucked.  I was looking for a way out or at least the bathroom to hide in for a minute.  Lord, give me a balcony to sneak out on and let me see the night sky to remind me that something real exist in this superficially supplemented world that I got dragged to tonight. And my wish was granted when I saw the double French doors leading to what looked like was a patio of some sort.  I pushed and pulled at the door handle when it finally popped open and I stumbled outside.  The crisp cool fresh air hit my lungs hard as I it flung my brown hair around my face.  I ran my hand through it and tucked it behind my ear when I looked up.  I wasn’t alone out there even though that was my goal.

There he stood in the corner where the concrete met the grass.  His frame like a silhouette as he was dressed in all black.  His left hand in his pocket and the other holding a drink.  He pulled it up to his lips and took a sip.  The amber liquid glimmering in the lamp light shinning down from above.  The grounds of this house were dotted with them.  Antique like with ivory covers over the bulbs giving just enough light to show him off to me.  It’s as if he were in a spot light when he turned to address the noise that was me coming out the door.  Dear God, his eyes.  Like absolution handed to me by devil himself.  So blue, so pristine that they dazzled as they gazed at me.Ffrom top to bottom they moved over me.  It was like a bolt of blue lightning crashing into me.  He looked absolutely stunning standing there.  It was as if the night was made just for him to be in.  To conceal him.  To hide him from the light almost.  His darkly dressed body turned and stepped towards me.  He looked hungry or thirsty, I couldn’t decide which one.  He sat his drink down on a table near him and kept his left hand in his pocket and the other hand he put into his suit jacket and undid the button as he walked.  His thumb undoing the button but rubbing it in a circular motion before he opened the jacket up.  It was tantalizing to watch his thumb do that.  My body stiffened at that sight.  I suddenly imagined his hands on me doing that.  I took in short breaths trying to keep my mind from racing as fast as my heart was.  What the hell was going on with me?  I just walked out, saw a guy and with in minutes I am utterly mesmerized by this unknown man.   His hair was dark and styled back away from his unshaven face.  The breeze blew his scent towards me and I closed my eyes in anticipation of his two or three more step arrival.  I was dizzy from it.  I stepped back as he came closer.  His eyes never leaving mine.  His mouth open slightly like he was about to lick his lips.  I felt like his prey and he had hunted me with out me even knowing it and now I am caught in his net just by his look.  I even looked away twice to see if he was totally alone and to see if he was looking behind me at someone else.  No way could HE be looking at ME like that.  He looked ravenous.  Like he was starving and I was his meal.  This was that vampiric moment women day dream about to get off to when they are alone and they want to be completely taken by their favorite True Blood character that has mind fucked them a million times right out of the shower.  Oh My, he was right in front of me now.  Saying nothing but speaking to me with his eyes.

There I stood, in my converse covered feet with my grey V-neck t-shirt on and my favorite skinny jeans with the tiny rip in the knee and the other one by the pocket.  I am completely underdressed but at least I am adorned with my signature red lips that bring out my green eyes from behind my dark glasses.  He stops inches from me. He was an illusion.  He had to be.  Do I touch him to see if he’s real?  Just say something……

“Hello” he says.  “Um, Hi” I say back.  “My name is Alexander, I am a friend of Maggy’s, the lady hosting the party here.  It’s her house” he says slowly.  “Oh, well, it’s a lovely house from what I saw” I reply looking up at him.  He’s quite tall and thin. I can see a bit more of him now.  Those eyes though.  Like the clear blue sky on a summer day when I would lay in the yard as little girl looking up at it waiting to make shapes out of the clouds.  They were comforting yet heavy with mood and want.  What he wanted, I wasn’t sure yet.  “Are you here alone?” he asked.  “Kind of, I came with a friend but, I met her here.  She works with someone that was invited”. I answer.  “What is your name?” he asks as he studies me.  His eyes have moved to my mouth and mine to his.  “Zoey, my name is Zoey”. I answer out of breath.  I have been moved to the corner of the patio now by excitement and wonder as I stepped back from his closeness.  I have no more room to move back and as I do, my back hits the brick of the house.  “Be careful” he says as his hand slides behind me and touches my back and moves me towards him.  My hands go up and my palms hit gently on his chest as if to protest the lack of space between us but I realize he’s still touching me and his other hand has come around to meet together on my back.  He moves my slowly away from the house and out of the corner and into a strand of light that has come down from one of those antique lamps in the grass.  “I’m good thank you, I can be a bit clumsy sometimes” I laugh out the words as he lets go of me and I swear his touch has scorched my skin through my shirt.  He smiles and says “Well, I didn’t want you to hurt yourself or think I wanted to hurt you either. I can come off a bit aggressive sometimes. It’s just part of me I guess” he says as he looks down and then back up at me as if to see if I was still looking at him.  Of course I was.  He was beautiful.  “Ha, well, it’s not like you were stalking me or anything, you just now saw me so….” I say with a silly giggle.  “Oh, I saw you for sure before you came out here.  You were sipping your 7-Up with your half crocked girlfriend and seemed utterly bored with it all and tried to hide in the bathroom but it was being used probably by some loaded chic getting banged by some asshole who couldn’t keep it up long enough to even begin to entertain your thoughts so you moved through the crowd towards the doors.  I came out the other set first” he said as his eyes gleamed.  “soooo, you are stalking me” I say half nervous half who is this guy.  “Not exactly, just curious about you Ms. Zoey”. he says as he puts both hands in his pockets exposing the rock band t-shirt under his sport coat.  It was a light blue Pink Floyd shirt that looked worn out from the wash and didn’t go with his Gucci shoes and his perfectly pressed pants.  He smiled as I noticed as if we had some cosmic musical connection from my low key shoes to his lack luster t-shirt.  He leaned back on the pedestal clad ledge along the edge of the patio.  His body so long and lean.  And again those eyes that matched the movement in his lips when he spoke.  We chatted awhile and then we interrupted by several rowdy people who seemed to want to bring the party outside.

He took my hand and lead my back in.  Graciously through the people we weaved in and out.  “Where are we going Alexander?” I asked.  “Call me Alex and somewhere quiet, if that’s ok with you?” he says as he turns to me while we walked.  That look.  That look of hunger on his face again.  I didn’t care, I was following this man,this godlike man wherever he was taking me was where I wanted to be.

We ended up going upstairs down a stark white hallway.  It was almost clinically white.  So white that his dark clothes and hair seemed alien like in the atmosphere.  “Um, are you taking me to a room or something?” I questioned him.  And with one swift turn and tug of my hand I was against the wall.  “No, I won’t do that if you don’t want me to” he says breathless.  I swallow hard and try to catch my breath.  “You, you can…..I will go…if you…” I can’t finish the words as he stairs at me.  His fixated on my mouth.  I want him to kiss me.  This stranger this gleaming man in front of me.  The lights are humming or is that my body?  So alive and electric right now.  I feel like I could take off to the sky I am so reeved up.  His arms on either side of me and I can’t move and I don’t want to. He’s pressing against me and I can feel him.  All of him and all it would take was inches for us to connect with our lips.  I can feel his breath and his body breathing in and out.  I know he can feel mine too.  It feels like an eternity and then he makes his move.  I tip my face up towards him and his hand is cupping my cheek and then the other on the other cheek.  I am holding my breath when he puts his lips on mine.  I come undone completely at the moment of impact.  His mouth on mine.  I grab and pull and tug at him with my hands.  He was starving and now he’s feeding. Feeding on me.  My lips are being sucked and bitten and nibbled and licked all by this man worthy of the most divinely beautiful women and yet he chose me.  Me.  I will revel in it.  He is devouring me with his mouth and I am letting him.  I am swallowing his moans and groans and he is drinking in my whimpers and “oh’s” as we continue against the white wall.  I can barley stand it.  I want more. So much more.  I want to feel all of him.  I want his skin on my skin.  I want our clothes gone forever and to be naked with him in a room that will only allow us in it.  His hands are making me shutter and loose control of myself.  I have no idea what I am doing and he has every idea of what he’s doing to me. This is a side of me I knew was in there but didn’t know how to bring her out.  He knew exactly how to draw her out too.  Just one look.  Just a longing hungry gaze that spoke to me from across a patio and I was his. Addicted to the unknown.  My curiosity and his mingled with the scent of invisible pheromones and perfumed fall air I was set into forward deviant motion.  And motion is what I wanted with him.  Our bodies to be in motion together in some luxurious four posted fur covered bed perfectly positioned next to a lit fireplace hidden and prepared for me just behind one of these doors. Was I in a movie?  A living day dream with this walking sex of a man dripping with necessity.  We were lost in a mysterious seduced moment intertwined with one another……Now where??

 

Set the mood, you know how.  Do all those cosmopolitan things your mind comes up with when your driving and the rain is pelting the windshield and the defrost is burning your eyes as your late to your next whatever and you let your mind slip away somewhere fun.  Do those things.  Those things that haunt your thoughts in a good way.  They stick because you want them to and because you want to do them for that certain someone.  Remember when you put on those lace panties and you smiled because you felt sexy?  And when you put on that matching bra that holds you up and shows you off and gives you that same smile because you know they would love you in that color…..wear that.  Run that bubble bath with all the scents to layer over your warm skin.  Pull out that expensive body wash and lotion that the sales clerk at the perfume counter talked you into as you willingly handed over the credit card because yea, it smells divine and you want to bring out whatever sexual deviant you’ve been hiding and she lured her right out with that scent.  Pour that liquid onto your loofah and lather up like he’s watching you in that tub.    The more you feel the more that deviant appears. Arouse her.  Bring her fourth.  No need to keep her hidden.  She lurks inside you waiting to be let go.  Let her out.   Slide that gorgeous red lipstick on that was featured on that hot model next to the display at make up counter and own it.  Look at your lips in the mirror and know he wants nothing more than to feel them on him.  Your lips excite him, use it.  Imagine what that color would look like smeared all over his neck after you kissed him there.  Or one single kiss left on his stomach after you pulled his shirt up to get to that belt buckle.  Think about that.

Those boots or heels you wanted, buy them.  Wear them as you walk to him seated in a lonely armless chair waiting for you.  You planned this night out, you know you did, and it’s happening now.  The deviant is here.  The music playing in the background.  The TV off and nothing to distract you because you are the distraction.  You are the tool.  You are what he desires.  Work it.  You spent time finding those songs that get you going and now it’s time to show him what he wants.  Roll your body to the rhythm hovering above his lap while his hands are neatly placed at his side like you told to.  Put your hands on him, rest them on his thighs as you lean back towards him arching your back tipping your head back to him while giving him a full voluptuous view.  You can spin around to face him, straddle him and let him see up close and personal how defined your lips really are and that they do indeed match what’s underneath as you give him a sneak peak with a tug of your t-shirt and then stand up turn around and to the side and give a thumb slide down the side of your pants and show a little lace while your rock those hips for him.   Keep your eyes locked on his.  Watch him watch you.  Isn’t that beautiful?  He is admiring you. He is excited by the sight of you moving to the music for him.  Just for him.  A private show. Come back over him facing him your arms wrapped around his neck as you lean forward your chest barely touching him so close he can feel the heat from your body and smell that luxurious bath that lingers on  your skin.  You’re both intoxicated by the rush, so high on the adrenaline and anticipation it causes you smile in appreciation of the on purpose situation you’re in.  You told him no touching in the beginning but with out hesitation you place his hands on  you and whisper in his ear “go ahead baby, touch me” as your lips grazes his earlobe and you allow those lips to travel down to his neck and trace the outline of his jaw.  His hands are strong and holding you tightly gripping you with no intention of you leaving his lap and you don’t want to.  The song has ended and another one has begun.  Your heart is racing, your body heated and willing and his is ready.  Your dance for him was a success and your thought out plan of arousal was perfectly executed.

Well done deviant.  Well done.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So sweet and soft he sits.  Alone with his thoughts and his books and booze to drown out the world around him.  To hide his feelings and his hopes.  His fears trapped with loneliness as the coolness of the worn out wood covered floors settle beneath his bare feet.

Those strong hands hold that book open with conviction and pride. Not much different from when he holds his gun, the handle of his knife or clinches his fists in a fight.  How they can cause such pain and such pleasure is a question I will ponder horizontally in the tub.  My eyes close in remembrance of those hands of his.  I may have moaned a bit even. The way the searched my body.  His thumb on my lower lip before he kissed and bit it.  The way they would get lost in my hair as he would gently pull my head back to expose my neck to those luscious lips that would trace my jaw with nibbles, licks and kisses down my neck to my shoulders.  His hands leaving my hair to run down my back to my behind.  Grabbing handfuls while I could feel his lips curve to a smile with appreciation as I let him keep going. I was allowing him to take me and he knew it.  And he did.

He’s dressed again and all pressed and tucked in.  Never looking more divine than he does right there on the floor leaning against the bed we were just in.  The sheets and blanket  were clumped and lumped and disheveled from our movements but they are all pulled back tight now.  I can see him from the open bathroom door.  He looks up from his pages every so often as to check on me. To see if I am still there looking back at him.  My hair completely soaked and slicked back allowing my clean face to be fully seen.  My body warmed by the water slowly covers in goosebumps as I lean forward and hang my elbows over the side and rest my chin on my hands.  Water drips down my face over my lips and I lick it.  He notices this and he smiles with his eyes as he watches me.  His head moves just a bit to the side as he studies me.  Our glances back and fourth are now steadily held together from one room to other.  He holds me with his eyes and I am truly captivated by him.  My stomach churns with emotion and memories flood my mind.  Thoughts of what just took place between us. That want and need that was satisfied for the moment begins to grow again.  He planted that seed in me when he hugged me and left me breathless with that stolen kiss and his boyish smile as he walked away from me.  Knowing what he did excited me and pleased me and made me want him more than just a few word play encounters.  Oh it was more than just that.  It was all foreplay leading up to that party.  To him seeing me and taking me down the hall away from all the people and with his looks and lips on mine I gave him full permission to have me, to have my body.  To use it for his pleasure and grant me the indulgence of his as well.  We didn’t just give into the lust, we gave into the blissful, gluttonous gratification of being together in the throws of secret passion.  I was set ablaze by him.  He was the only thing that could snuff out that fire inside me.

From across the room looks from well dressed men to quick hellos between partners and soft handshakes from gloved handed ladies I couldn’t find him quick enough. And there he sat with his men around him and one of his women beside him.  In a velvet covered chair facing away from me he sat.  My eyes burrowing like a mole to get to him through the crowd.  My mind screaming form the inside “look at me!”  And then he did.  My pulse jumped and my lips moistened from me biting them in anticipation trying not to ruin my lipstick.  No, no, I wanted him to do that.  And do it he did as he shoved my willing body up against the picture clad wall of that safe hallway.  The clinking of glasses and chatter losing it’s loudness as he guided me far from it all.  Away yet so close.  No public eyes to see or ears to hear and the excitement of the intrigue and seclusion was intoxicating as was his scent that stayed on my dress as our bodies rubbed together.  I know because when we undressed in his room, I breathed him in as the dress was pulled up over my head by those hands. Oh those hands.  They worked on me like magic along with his lips.  He is sinfully delicious.

He’s still looking at me when I ask “what are you reading?”  “A book from college that I kept” he says so smoothly.  “Will you read it to me?” I ask.  “Maybe after you’re all clean” as says as he smiles and starts to get up.  “I am” I say with my voice lowered and giddy.  He says as his fingers go for his buttons “Well then, let’s get you dirty again and I will read to you afterwards.”  His hands slide off his suspenders and they dangle at his sides.  He unbuttons the shirt slowly and carefully.  Precise with his movements he removes his shirt and tosses it to the bed.  He goes for his pants unbuttoning them and pulling the zipper down and runs his hands under them catching his boxers with his thumbs and with in seconds he is fully naked.  Standing there in his own skin just looking at me.  I am in awe of him.  His pale skin glowing in the lamp light and his eyes dark with want and his chest heavy with breathing and pride in himself.  He’s next to the tub in a few steps and we take inventory of each others bodies with our eyes.  He leans down and brushes his hand over my wet hair, his palm resting on my cheek and I lean into it and his thumb traces my bottom lip and I kiss it as I gaze up at him full of need.  That’s all it took.  He plunges his hands into the water and lifts me up.  I am dripping all over him and I don’t care.  He holds me to him.  The heat from him warms my cooled by the air skin.  He’s ready and so am I.  Who knows when we will have this opportunity again so we take it and he takes me, again.  It’s hot.  Wet hot from my freshly bathed body.  All we need is a surface for me to rest on and it will begin.  Kisses that could devour time are exchanged.  I lose myself in the desire and call out his name.  He smiles and says “say it again” so I do and with that we are in full appreciation of one another.  Totally immerged and immersed in the manic rapture of inextinguishable desire that connects us now. Our appetites forever hungry for one another but satisfied by moments like this.  Possessed by it and exercised by the act.  The sheer act of pleasure that will bind us as lovers.  I am ready to be ravished. I am ready to worship him with myself.

“Boy, you were really hungry” he says as he rests me on the sink.  “Always” I reply as the kisses deepen and he steadies himself in front of me.  “Look at you, you are so beautiful like this” he says.  “Thank you, so are you, you look so kind and soft almost angelic” I say breathlessly.  “Oh, but I am far from angelic doll, far from it” he answers and with that he moves in and I am undone in an instant.  Shockwaves erupt inside me and I feel like I am falling and he is there to catch me.  His grip on me tightens and we are in unison together.  This time, this moment, this being is giving way to the eruptive behavior that fuels the inferno that he created inside of me.  In my mind and in my body it resides because of him.  My body that is a pyre in this bathroom and was in the bedroom mere hours ago.  I don’t know how long I can last?  I don’t know if we will last or if there is any merit to even saying “we”?   But what I do know is that he has me right now, all of me, and I am enraptured.

Laying in bed with the want to stay there all day I drift between the unconsciousness and waking.  Draped in a day dream of a far off land.  One where solitude is sanctuary and the sunshine wakes you with a kiss.  Soft subtle breezes swoop in the open door and land next to me bringing the fresh scent of brine from the ocean and the salt stays on my skin and I can taste in on my lips.  Reality proves different with darkness and the twinkling of the nightlight lit room where only my thoughts await.

Forced out of bed to start the dispirited day I put one foot in front of the other to the bathroom.  My hair a mess and my skin oiled from last nights make up still on.  Eyes glossy and red with mood. Never ready for the unknown of the day because what’s prepared may fall prey to what’s to happen instead.  Fear driven panic dressed with a superhero t-shirt and slippery with cherry chapstick. Reality loses the game when luxurious thoughts lay around ready to be plucked and tasted.

A change of clothes and a change of attitude as medical music is piped from every room from mine to his to the kitchen and the family room.  Just a moment and my mouth turns to a grin as the familiar melodies remind me of another time and my body finds the rhythm.  Around I go, where I stop, hell I don’t know.  Just.  Keep.  Going.  There is no time for a break down or even a pit stop some days. Lose yourself in the lyrics and find yourself anew.  Time transported by a song and my dismal disposition turned sweeter much like sipping a fine disco lemonade or a classic rock cocktail and feeling the icy cold words slide down my throat puckering those ruby red lips with delight.

Night meets day where the sun and the moon meet half way in the sky and Orion hides on the other side of the earth while the trees sway their good mornings and the crickets quiet.

Moments of melancholy madness slip in and out like sunbeams that shoot through the clouds and my mind runs away chasing the late white rabbit and I try to get lost.  Smiling and nodding hellos and good days to the strangers in the hallways of the buildings lining the fabricated world that I can create just by seeking it.  Solo drug free mind tripping with eyes closed, fixed on the meditation of my imagination.

It’s just another day in the primrose paradise of my homemade mirage while the washer turns, the dishes soak and I hit each stop light on the way to school.  Fantasia fueled focusing used in defense of the day.  Drowning out the desperation of the past and the curiosity of the future.  Welcome to lost soul Sunday’s with the dismal disconnect caused by the chores of the mundane where you grab at happiness whenever necessary.  Constantly fixated on the wonders of reflective reasoning.  Bowing down to Chimera and the artistry of her illusions.

The space and silence before the storm is defining inside my spirit and the electricity is alive and stagnant at the same time.  More often than not I find myself seeking deserted and solitary shelter before it hits.  Like a lone forsaken solider left on the fields of battle to tend to his own wounds.  No clearing of the smoke and no sun through the clouds.   Just a smile behind the mask of make-believe comforted by it’s tenderness.

But, in the immortal words of my generation “it can’t rain all the time”.

 

When the smoke settles how do you feel?  When it’s all said and done and  your left with just the tingles of the last touch.  You bite your lip still in a trance.  You hope the sweat gathered under  your clothes stays with you long enough to make you cold when you step out into the winter wind and the chill excites you.

Your mind is erased from all the moments that lead up to that one.  That one moment when your eyes connected and the feelings crashed into you like lightning.  The want became a full contact sport at that moment.  Your hands moved and your body followed.  Your chest could barely contain your beating heart.  No longer and illusion, but it was there in front of you.  Alive and breathing with sensation.

Music lightly playing in the background, some random CD chosen for courage on the drive over.  The night being used like a blanket to cover and conceal is loosened when the street light sneaks in the windows.  A detour of your reality shared with out concern or conscience.  Numbers, time and places were irrelevant. It became that beautiful distraction you’ve searched for but hadn’t found until it was presented.  The first grasp at happiness from the sadness spilled from an overflowing river of hurt.

Questions unnecessary and inspiration coming from wine induced bravery could only lead to the finish line or close to it.  Home free and unsupervised with only your devils and angels on your shoulder’s as witnesses.  Exorcised by the thoughts that weigh as much as a ton but feel as good as the buzz you collected over the last couple of hours.  All palpitating inside you at that moment.  Only to be quieted by that look.  That silent stare that says “Ok” and you jump.  Jump off the cliff of sensibility and what was tangible is now tactile and lucid and hand held.  The pure rush of it all makes you spin like a little girl with arms outstretched, giggling and falling to the grass feeling the sun drench your skin and the breeze kiss your skin.  A release.  A departure from the now of it all.

Everything has stopped.  And it’s all about the movement of the moment.  The cold disappears and the heat picks up and the motions become fluid.  Unprepared for this you take it all in as you know that one day it will most likely end up a worn out memory that’s stored in the bank for reference of a time where you felt good.  So good.  Tears replaced by youthful smiles and young softness.  Pretty describes it best.

Slowed down by the spirits and handled by the darkness it comes to a close.  All good things must come to an end.  The music still plays and the lights pour in as the foggy mental windows clear and you settle back into the palpable uncertainty of tomorrow. Your reflection smolders with youthfulness and is flushed in the star shine.  Dulled by life’s unfairness but excited by the conquest of innocence.  A thought that will remain like a cattle brand on the hide of your subconscious. Burned into a ribboned sizzling letter on your skin.  Forever remembered.  A favorite played on repeat when necessary.  Cheers to that.

Coo Coo Ca Choo……….

Look at him.  Staring off like that.  So poised and lost at the same time.  He looks away from me yet I know I am in there somewhere.  His thoughts are soaked with strategy and power.  Those boyish azure eyes look so cold right now. They are steel blue and direct and parched for something better to admire.  His hands so neatly placed on the arms of the chair.  I can almost feel them cupping my cheeks as those luscious scarlet lips touched mine.  His embrace still warm in my memory and his scent lingers in the breeze of my desire for him.

Our meetings have been brief but electric each time.  The term “there’s just something about him” rings true in my head over and over.  I am drawn to him.  The way he acts.  How he talks to me, so brash and nearly crude but honest and seductive.  Though I don’t think he’d have to try very hard.  He wouldn’t have to put up much of a show for me.  I’d go willing if he’d ask.  Most women would slap a man for kissing them in the park upon meeting them there but, why else did I meet him there?  I wasn’t meeting him to talk or to catch up on any business.  I met him because I was more than curious.  Those things he’s said to me warmed me up.  Heated my thoughts and my body.  So when he hugged me goodbye and then kissed me, I let him.

And now I see him sitting there in all his empiric glory and I want him.  Not just to kiss me gently but to devour me with those garnet healthy lips.  I want to taste him eagerly with out fear of what’s to happen next but only to feel and be in that moment until the next and the next.  I want to run my hands up his neck and into his hair feeling the strands between my fingers while his hands are on my back holding me against him as if he were holding onto me to survive.  Our bodies burning and the current between us is fully electrified.  Literally switched on with ravenous lust.  So alive with desire that a reinforced concrete wall could barely hold us up if he were to press me against it.  All the dread, death and defiance pouring out of him into me with such an impatient kiss that we cannot even contain the sounds from one another as the growls escape him and the whimpers escape me.  I am but prey to his hunting spirit and I have given up willingly.  Falling into the trap set by a glance and grin from him standing next to me.  Just a touch of his hand on my lower back to move past me set me ablaze. My stomach dropping and my eyes closing quickly to revel in the contact from him to me.

I breathe deeply at this fantasy I have enticed myself with.  All this from a silly kiss stolen by a man from a woman in a park.  But that’s simply all it takes when the wantonness is as strong as this.  How we manipulated it all and hid from it and then within and instant there was an impact.  It hit us both even if he is denying it by looking away.  Would he look away from me if I climbed up on his lap?  Handling him the way I imagine if I could get him alone.  Refusing to move until he picked me up and took me wherever he wanted.  Watching those sapphire eyes glaze over with hunger.  A hunger for me.  A manic need that would scratch it’s way out of him to get to me and take me.  Sending us both into the rapture of full on body frenzy.  Feverishly ravaging one another until we are ultimately barren of all that pent up need.  Destitute of desire for now and rewarded with fulfilled pleasure from our indulgence. Would he look at me then if he knew this is what I wanted from him?

Until then, if there is a then, I will adore him from over here.  I stand quietly admiring him from near the bar.  Music plays and people laugh and talk and glasses clink in cheering for prosperity and life’s good fortune but all I can do is look at him.  The cold bubbles of champagne dance on my tongue and I smile as I sip when he finally looks my way.  The heat of his eyes burn into mine and I can sense that he knows exactly what I am thinking and with that he stands and comes closer to me.  His eyes never leaving mine.  His lips part as he slips a cigarette in and lights it.  “Good evening doll, how are you?” he asks.  “Hungry” I reply and his eyes darken as he keeps them fixed on me after they have traveled the length of my body and lingered around my mouth.  His hand takes mine and he says “Well, let’s see what we can do about that shall we?”  and he leads me out of the room.  “Vindication comes in many forms doesn’t it?” he asks as he guides me down a lonely hall away from the party. It’s filled with pictures in golden frames nailed into paneled walls.  “I suppose it does” and as I barely finish the words he’s turned me to face him.  Here it is, the moment I was making up in my mind just minutes ago about to happen, am I ready?

He steadies himself and plants his feet right next to mine.  The warmth of his breath is on my neck as he’s leaned forward and dipped his head down.  I am nearly trembling with excitement. His body moves closer to mine, we are barely touching. I can feel the coolness of the wood against my back.  Those supple lips of his graze the skin of my neck and run the length of my ear and we are face to face.  I can’t stand this.  I am shaking and my body is on fire.  He blinks slowly inhaling deeply as if he were breathing me in.  I hold my breath and let my hands wrap around him giving him the okay to go for it.  His eyes nearly stone blue now with want my lips parted and licked I say with my words trembling “Kiss me” and he does.  I explode.  My body shatters in his hands.  He holds me up as I grab and pull and tug at him.  We are like animals.  Carnivorous for each other.  The deeper he kisses me the harder I give back.  It seems to go for hours but it’s only been minutes.  My lips feel swollen and bruised and my hands have searched his body repeatedly and his have mine. He stops.  I look up trying to catch my breath and he says “Still hungry?”  I giggle and say “Yes”.

When you just need a moment to yourself so you slip into something more comfortable like a day dream.  A lost thought trapped in the spider webs of your mind vault brought to light by a random inspiration like a visual pleasure or a certain smell that takes you on a sensory journey.  Hold tight because you know where it will end up, it always does.