“I don’t care that you haven’t showered or that you’re only in your t-shirt and panties. There’s no shame in comfort baby, just let me please you. I’m not coming over for any other reason. You know it. I know it. So let me. Let me do what I did the other night. Let me make take you. Take you as hard as I can and as hard as you can handle, maybe further. No fear just satisfaction. You need it and I can give it. Right now.”
It was a Thursday night and I had gotten off work and settled in for the evening when my phone dinged with a text. He was on his way over from a work meeting. I wasn’t expecting him. Still sore and swirling from the party I sucked my bottom lip in while I read the text. My mind and lust unsettled since. I wanted more and he was coming with it. I have to say, even if it was just to myself, I have never been fucked like that before. I told him I wasn’t exactly prepared and he didn’t care. The sensual words back lit on my phone were proof enough what his intentions were. It didn’t matter one bit that I wasn’t company ready. He was coming over with an objective. A purpose of pleasure and that was it.
I slammed some mouth wash and ran some water and splashed my face. I was already hot and he wasn’t even in my presence yet. Soon enough there was a knock at the door. I was giddy with excitement and soaked with anticipation. I opened the door and there he stood. My breathing was heavy and wanton. My hands reached for him to pull him in. I grabbed handfuls of his suite jacket as I tugged him to me. His hands immediately cupping my ass hanging out from under my t-shirt. No bra and my white panties didn’t leave much to the imagination. He smiled as he moved with me inside. Shutting the door behind us he turned me around and said “Don’t look away, keep your eye’s on me”. Towering over me he took off his jacket and tossed it on a chair. He undid his tie and unbuttoned the top button of his shirt. I kept my eyes on him as he knelt down in front of me. His hands wide across my skin under my shirt as they moved the fabric up and his head dipped to trail kisses along my belly and hips now bare as he pulled at my panties. My back was against the door as I had to step out of them while his breath and lips heated up my flesh as he took ample handfuls of my breasts. My hands in his hair as his beard scratched my inner thighs and his tongue slid along them in full, long, delectable licks with a few tantalizing and stinging bites. With each pass of his tongue he got closer to the middle. I was quivering and moving against my will. I wanted him there. I needed him there. He looked up at me and reminded me to keep looking at him and with his last syllable, he sunk right in. His face disappearing between my legs as I could barely stand when he made the connection. My body nearly exploding on impact I held on. My head whipping back against the door and my hands gripping at him as he continued to lap me up with his lavish tongue assault. The sounds coming from him as he did it were like an animal and my response to them were just as beastly. Everything in me began to hum and I was close. So close. He sensed it and added just a bit more pressure and with one quick motion he was in me with his fingers, one and then two. The other hand holding me up pressed to my chest with me grasping it as I erupted against him. Collapsing with my release he moves me with ease to the couch. Laid out, I peel off my shirt and place my head on my hand as I rolled to my side to look at him as he stands in all his pleasing glory.
Gazing up at him, he looks back at me with such a stoic relish as his eyes revel in my nudity. My breathing labored still and my lips licked in preparation for his kiss. I want more of him. I want him on me. My body practically begging for the weight of him on top of me I sit up and help him with his pants as he’s already taken off his shirt. My hands quickly making way of the button and zipper, pulling both his boxers and pants down at the same time with one swift tug. My eyes never leaving his as he kicks them to the side after stepping out of his shoes where his bare feet stand. I want to look down, drink him all in but I remember what he said, eyes on his, so I feel my way up his thighs to his length right in front of me. I run my hands along him, taking in the size of him and with one more stoke I lean in taking him in as far as I can. He lets out a long and breath filled “Fuck” as I release him and do it again, never dropping my eyes or closing them. One of his hands on the back of my head and the other caressing my cheek I keep going, appreciating him as I do. I do my best to claim every bit of him with my mouth while he intently watches. Long and deep I kept it up until he pulls away from me, bending down he finally kisses me. Finally. I call out his name as he does and wrap my arms around him as he lowers himself over me, I lay back on the couch. My legs spread as he centers himself and with one thrust he’s in.
It was damn near like torture wanting him inside me. Needing him again. Getting myself off with the memory of that night in the tub and here he is giving it to me again. Recreating the hard-core pleasure he gave me the other night. The vulgar, wicked, abominable use of my body for straight rotten profane fiendish fucking is all I want from him and he knows it. He brought it. He needed it too. He picks up the pace. Thrusting harder and faster as I hold on. His hands reach for mine, pulling my arms up, placing them over my head, holding my wrists with one of his huge paws. He doesn’t stop. Our eyes locked as I’m crammed completely full of him. My body trying to accommodate the overfullness as we both begin to tense. I grab ahold of him, pulling at his weight, needing him to get me there. Needing him to fill me. So I tell him to. I tell him to let go and let go in me. With cries and screams and and howls, he comes with a roar and me with a wail as we crumble and melt together. Everything softens and cools in the simmer. The wasted and sated state our bodies lay in takes over and we just breathe, heavily, against one another.
He kisses me and pulls off of me. He’s seated on the floor as I lay rolled over on my stomach on the couch, my hands draped over him. He runs his fingers up my arm and turns to me and says “Now you can shower”. I can barely form a sentence and just giggle and agree. He is most certainly ignited a covetousness in me that I cannot deny. A craving to be devoted. An infatuation for his depravity. An appetite for his salacity. I am greedy for him and I do not care how sinful or manic I become. I cannot get enough and I absolutely do not care. I am enraptured. I am hooked. Addicted. Obsessed. Totally fucked!
I’ve been so lost lately. So down. More down than usual which is like your average amount of depression but it seems to have kicked it up a notch the past few months. So when I got invited to this party I wasn’t sure I should make the effort. It wasn’t until I saw who the chef was that I wanted to attend. Then my attention was drawn. My curiosity peaked. Maybe that’s what would pull me out of this slump. Him. Not saying he would even notice me or even if he did have any desire to even talk to me let alone be the slump fixer but at his point, fuck it, I’m going. He was known around town for his asshole, not care attitude. I even heard he punched a guy once. But there was something about him. I can’t explain it but when I went to his restaurant with one of my girlfriends, I met him and his aurora was electrifying. Static just seemed to come from him and I couldn’t help myself when I shook his hand after our introduction, I felt it. That charge. That zing. That something. Not a clue if he felt it on his end but my thighs sure did on mine.
I went to his restaurant a handful of times and not too much more interaction was had but that’s not what did it. It was the reaction that I was about. The reaction of my body when he was around me. His hand shake was nothing compared to the one time, the single time, he hugged me after a dinner hosted by the same girlfriend I went out with before. They were friends. He hugged everyone at the table so it wasn’t like a personal thing between us but I mean it was like pressure, a tension, a warmness that was felt from him to me. Or maybe, just me. None the less, it stuck with me and I wanted more, if more was an option. I sure as hell wanted to find out. So, I sent my email response and within seconds I got a bounce back email thanking me for the acceptance. I didn’t finish reading it before I tossed my phone on my bed and was just about to run a bath when my email notification sounded again. I picked up the phone and opened it. Holy Shit! It was him. He must be in the loop of the emails. I almost ducked thinking he could see me reading it or something. It simply said “Looking forward to seeing you”. I didn’t put much into it as maybe that was also a programed response or one he just sent to personally address all potential guests. So I responded with “Yeah, me too”. Immediately he responded with “That’s it, that’s all I get?” Befuddled I responded with “What else do you want?” And the answer stunned me and excited me. He said “More” and that was it, that’s all it took. My breath hitched. My mouth dried and my body reacted. I was covered in heat and that was just an email. Jesus. How would I be actually around him? I emailed him back carefully with “I’ll bring more with me……”. Instantly he responded with “Good, I’ll take it”. I was running my bath sitting on the toilet with the lid down smiling. I was thinking I may never get out as I knew where my mind was and I definitely needed a moment to possibly tend to myself after that small interaction. It wasn’t even in person and the reaction was intense. Damn it. I’m fucked.
It’s the night of the party and I’m a little nervous about bringing the “more” tonight. So maybe the new outfit will help. I chose a high collared white with black polka dots sheer button up ruffle short sleeved shirt. Pairing it with dark blue jeans and deep red matte lips with red Converse. My hair in waves and my nails red too. Underneath, a black lace bra and matching lace panties. It helps to feel a little sexy with the underwear. It’s like a secret kept and perhaps if discovered might add some enticement. Spritzing my wrists before I head out with perfume and a final pucker of my lips in the mirror and my car is pulling up on the app opened on my phone. No turning back now. More is on her way!
I arrive at the hosts house and it’s apparent that my league isn’t the same as theirs but here I am, heading in. I am pointed in the direction of the kitchen and dinning area. People are mingling about with glasses of champagne and rocks glasses filled with clear or amber liquid. Lots of bullshit chit chat going on as I pass through looking for him. I mean let’s be real here, that’s the only reason I accepted the invitation. I wave and smile and nod my way past the ladies and gentlemen that have no interest in me at all except the host, I know she and her husband. I hug and take a glass from the tray in her hand as I greet them. Some signature cocktail for the evening and I take a large sip of courage as I scan the room looking towards the kitchen. I nudge her and ask if he’s in there and she smiles and giggles and says yes and tugs my free hand and off we go to the kitchen. I finish the drink on the way and soon enough we’re standing in her large magazine perfect kitchen and there he is with his staff cooking away. She hollers over the bustling, announcing me and as he turns to see me, I am absolutely frozen.
His dark locks under a backwards hat, blue shirt buttoned up under his apron and dark jeans with boots tucked under the denim. I scan him from top to bottom as he does the same to me. But his look is different than mine. Mine was curious. His was hungry. He grabs a towel and cleaning off his hands as he makes his way towards me. The space between us shortens and the closer he gets I realize how tall he is. How large his presence is. And there it goes. My reaction to him. My body begins to sizzle a bit. Tingles and prickles on my skin as he approaches me. It goes from tepid to scorching as soon as he smiles and reaches for my hand to shake it. His hands are big. He puts his out and I revel in its size. Mine disappears in it. I feel his thermal touch like a conduction right to my groin. I take his handshake and hold too long but he doesn’t seem to mind as my head spins and my mind swirls with inappropriate thoughts about those big hands. It’s like he senses it and lets out a laugh. I respond with a bit of a giggle and let go of his hand and mine’s immediately cooled without his. I couldn’t tell you what we talked about with the host for a moment because I was completely fixated on his mouth barely hidden under his scruff. He knew where I was staring and responded with an extra lick of his lips and I swallowed hard. I think the conversation was about the menu but at this point I would be lucky if I can eat in his company. I just remember something about meat was said and trying not choke when he said it. It wasn’t because he said meat, it was how he said it that made me wanton. It was sweltering in that kitchen and too soon I was being pulled out with the rest of the guests as he said he needed to get back to work. Right before I left, he leaned down and placed a very soft, breath filled word on my neck with a half hug saying “More” as my arms went around him to embrace him back. I shivered and melted at the same time as he did that. Pulled apart from him, I was guided out but, my eyes stayed on him and his on mine until I was out of his sight.
My friend showed me around the rest of their new digs and I was pretty impressed with the size of it all. I mean there was a spa area for fuck’s sake with an in ground jacuzzi tub, sauna and massage area. It had such a retro vibe to it all and I was really liking it all. I was actually enjoying myself. I mean the two more drinks did aide in my social lubrication and my constant flow of those inappropriate thoughts as my eyes danced around towards the kitchen. Soon enough dinner was served and we were all seated. She insisted he join us for the dinner so off the apron and the hat came as the applause from everyone echoed in the dining room when he sat down. His staff brought more and more dishes until everyone including him had food on their plates. It was absolutely delicious. And not just his food, his heavy eye contact from down the table was more appetizing than the actual food itself. I adjusted my seat more than once as I caught his gaze with several bites looking up at me like the food in his mouth wasn’t food, it was me. Just after dessert, I excused myself to the restroom only to be jump scared as I came out and he was leaning on the wall right outside. His body long and lean yet bulky. I went to move around him to let him in and he crowded my space and when he did somehow we switched places and my back was against the wall. His arm up and his hand on the wall next to me trapping me from moving down the short hallway. I looked up at him with intention and he down at me with the same look. My body flushing with lust and him again somehow knowing this, he dipped his head and looked me up and down running his thumb along his lip and saying “You definitely brought the more, thank you”. I said you’re welcome and sucked in my bottom lip as I did. He inched closer. I could feel the temperature change and his breath smelled of wine as he spoke again, “I’m gonna need a smoke and to cool off after this” and as his last word slipped off his tongue he dove for my mouth with his. Urgently we kissed. Hard and intrusive he pressed me against the wall. Sounds sneaking out of my mouth as he swallowed them up, covered by the distant chatter and laughter of the remaining guests. A loud sound from the kitchen halted his continuance. Our breathing heavy and my body angry he stopped. He looked down the hall and then back at me. His hands cupping my cheeks and with one last kiss and left me with the weight of him still on me as he went to investigate the sound. I straightened myself up and walked back out to the hall mirror and checked my lipstick and hair. Wow. That just happened.
I took a seat next to my friend, as more liquor was poured and the guests lessened it was soon late into the evening and he’d joined the group that was left. I was drinking sparkling water to keep my wits about myself and the eye fucking that was happening was nearly as intense as that kiss had been. The last few people were dancing and singing and took it out onto their giant patio. As they made their way out I was following along with him. We were all outside now on the patio. Music playing and soon after it began to rain. We couldn’t believe it. We all ducked under the overhang laughing and without warning he grabbed my hand and pulled me back into the house. He snuck me down the hallway towards the spa room. I didn’t even hesitate when we wound up in there and he shut the door and locked it. When he turned he had a cigarette in his mouth. I was looking around and as I did he started the water in the tub. “What are you doing?” I asked. “I’m gonna get in, warm up and smoke this cigarette”. He sat down on a chair, his clothes stuck to him from the rain. His smile wasn’t just a smile but a grin. A grin with meaning. There was more to being in there than just what it was and he knew I knew that. He was taking off his boots and socks and when I neared him, he stood. Those hands took a hold of me and pulled me to his lap as he sat again. It felt comfortable and effortless to straddle him. No panic. No fear. Just us. I smoothed back his wet hair and as I did I leaned in to run my tongue along the wet skin around his ear and down his neck. His breath hissed through his teeth and he tightened beneath me. His hands on my backside moving me closer, he stood holding me and turns me around and sits me on the chair. He goes over to the tub, turns off the water and steps in, clothes and all. He sits as I laugh with matches from his shirt pocket he lights the cigarette, inhales deeply and waves me over to him. Again with the grin and again knowing I would. I stroll over towards him and stop right at the edge. He’s looking up at me and says “well, get in”. I study him as I play with the buttons on my shirt. He takes another drag and puts his arms at rest on the floor around the tub as if to say go for it girl, take it off for me.
Button by button I go and soon enough I slip the sheer soaked shirt off and let it plop on the floor. Standing in my bra, jeans and red Converse I begin to shiver a bit. I kick off my shoes and start for the button on my pants when he sits up and puts the cigarette in his mouth, takes one more drag and puts it out in small puddle of water and proceeds lean towards me and helps me pull the wet denim down. His hands making their way up and down my legs once they are bare and tugging me to the warm water. I slip in and again I’m on top of him where his mouth had found it’s way to my neck. I pull at his blue shirt and then at his white undershirt. I want to feel him against me skin to skin. He strips them off tossing them in a pile next to mine. Our clothes shedding as were our inhibitions. His hands all over my body as my head tips back as his voice vibrates along my skin with the words of what he wants to do to me. Trembling with desire I feel him undo my bra and drop his head to my breasts. Circling with his tongue on me as everything inside resonates and I can feel him throbbing under me as my hips move with want. Everything within me is pulsing. His kisses deepen and his hands push me forward as they slide down and pull the lace panties off. He tells me to sit up on the edge and as I do, his head is immediately between my thighs. He didn’t even wait until I was fully situated. I call out as my body is shocked with the coolness and his mouth on me so quickly. Licking and sucking my slit I’m quivering and shuttering inside and out. My body reacting how it should to him. “Do you like this?” he asks as his fingers slip around my entrance. “Yes, please, yes” I say as he enters me with one then two fingers. I can’t take much more as everything begins to build and pulse. He looks up and as his eyes meet mine my head flings back and the explosion ensues. He takes it all as I shake and the obscenities fall from my mouth in shouts and muffled screams as I covered them with my hand.
He quickly stands and rids himself of his pants and takes his length in his hand. His length full, even in those big hands of his. And with a few easy movements, he’s inside me, pushing all the way in with profanities as he does. Driving harder and deeper with each thrust of his wet hips against mine, I feel like I could black out in ecstasy. He fills me completely and with torridity. My hands griping the skin of his back as he pumps feverously. Primal and needing. The momentum is bringing me to the edge again and he senses it. He kisses my neck and shoulder and lands a bite right near my collar bone. I shriek as the sting surges through me. It’s piling up quickly. The passion is coming on so hard and as he growls in my ear, I let go. I pull him as close to me as I can as he continues to ride through my convulsions right into his own cursing release. He lays on top of me. My legs shaking along with the rest of my sin filled body. Flaunting it I say into his ear “More baby, I brought you more”. He laughed as he pulled out and away from me slinking back into the now lukewarm water. I sat up looking around for the towels I saw rolled up along the wall on a shelf. Naked and wasted I walked to get one and wrapped up in it and handed him one as he stood naked in front of me. He was all man and all animal in one. His eyes darkened as he stepped towards me now with the towel around his waist kissing me in the after glow. Dinner was over but there in that room another feast happened and I was indeed the main course, the meat if you will, and from the leftover feelings, I couldn’t wait for “More”.
The sadness. The broken. The melancholy. The gloom. The pain inside.
There’s more of it all now. The living grief is accompanied by the death grief. Different but the same. They still hurt in distressed crying waves that never seem to give warning. Weeping alone like the branches of the tree that bares the same name as the actual sorrowful act.
“How are you?” is the common question and the answer is, done. I am done. I have had about all I can take. Defeat and anger hold hands as the city calls leaving messages on my phone with electric reminders of the shit life we’ve lived for over 8 years now. Not to mention the forever reminders of the man that made me taken by the same monster that holds up host inside the boy I made. There is joy. I know it. I’ve seen it and felt it even in the hurricane that swirls around while we run from it in the rain that NEVER seems to stop. Pelting, relentless, rain. It’s somewhere in the storm. Maybe. I hope.
Lonely and lost. Solid black trailing behind me like a shadow. Slow and low. Safe but sad. Alive but barely. Surviving in the depths one dismal despondent moment to the next. That’s just how this story goes and the writer is tired. Oh so tired.
Black and blue blended into the bellyache of the heavy hearted frown in my mind and unfortunately, there’s more blue than black these days. Way too much blue.
Why do I even bother? Lost causes. Wasted energy. Hula hoop hope in a horned mind with separation anxiety from my imagination. Reality is a ruse in rose colored glasses tinted by the blood of my youth and my thick femininity. Who cares anymore? It is what it is and truth shows up more than lies and even in the abandoned secrets of the dark, depravity never seems to win the race even when it’s the fastest.
Maybe I’m looking in the wrong corners or what’s there is like the spider, it’s more afraid of me than I am of it……so they say. It’s lyrics that linger and life that sweats it out like the fevers that blanket my mind. Dreams of the day and of the night seem to be spread thin with anything left over from the sticky knives that stayed in longer than they should have.
Who the fuck let them in anyway? I don’t seem to recall the when or the why but those demons sure do like to play around and never ever seem to walk. All they do is fucking talk. Swollen plastic egos all produced and protected by words. Just words. That’s it. Powered and fueled by the lust of it. The need for it. The candy coated moon and stars swallowed down deep. Every last opulent drop as I became the night’s concubine because the day couldn’t handle me anymore. A Madame of mischief and melancholy mused by anything pretty or sinister. All alone but never without. Searching for something but finding nothing. Temptations allowed but mirrors don’t let them stay.
Honeyed rain on my tongue as it drips down my succulent spirit collected and cupped by my poor soured soul. How sweet it could be, the nectarous sludge of my fantasia but, the shinny always wears off. Pain is constant so why not learn to like it? It helps when you don’t care and you lose track of time and it’s unimportant, until it is. The end, the beginning, they both taste the same to me in this life. My life. Tracked and traced though desire. A conundrum of sensibility. Affection coveted and paid for with feeling and sensitivity. Trapped with intelligence wasted on the loneliness that sits next to me on the couch. Drained by devotion and fascinated with anything other than what’s in front of me. Color me curious and feed me with entertainment. Kept craving with an appetite that is too four star for this world. Extra terrestrial eagerness seems to be the constant curse I am burdened with these day. There’s no fucking balance and self care is just a healthy Fuck You screamed in silence and begged for as soon as my eyes open to the moment they close. Day dream lipstick kissed on the recreational restroom mirror of my cognition just waiting for a message back. From the heavens or from hell, we’ll see who answers first.
I came home from grabbing a coffee and saw the door cracked open to her apartment. I peaked in and as I did I knocked and pushed the door open a bit. I could smell cigarette smoke and the room felt heavy as I stepped in. I looked over towards her bedroom and the door was open with her bed made, kitchen was clean and tidy but in the living room near the window there sat a man looking out the window. A cigarette in his hand his white shirt rolled up on the one side and I could see his bicep. His pants undone and his boot covered foot hung over the side of her easy chair by the window. His face soft yet hard with a dark beard and lips the sucked on the cigarette as I said “Hello?” He turned towards me and stood immediately. I was startled by his quickness and he by my intrusion. “Who are you and what are you doing in here?” I asked. “I could ask you the same question” he replied. “I live a floor up and I just thought I would check on….” I was trying to say more when he interrupted “My aunt, I’m James, her nephew”. “Oh, ok, she’s mentioned you several times to me” I said smiling and trying to pull my wet hair off my face. He walked towards me, his pants still undone and as he closed the space between us. My lungs searched for air and my skin thickened with some odd feeling. God, what the hell was happening to my stomach, it was literally flipping all over and I swear my thighs were tingling. He took another drag off of his cigarette and put it out in a tea cup he had on the table. I wanted to take a step back but my eyes were locked into his like a goddamn tractor beam. Hell, I almost took a step closer instead. He reached out for my hand that held my coffee and he took it. “Um, that’s mine” I said as he took a sip. “Yeah, but I wanted some” he said with a grin. Every single fiber of my being was ignited right then. Every bit of me was awoken with a sexual need that was literally palpitating in my veins and in-between my legs. He took another drink and made a sound so delicious when he swallowed it I almost moaned back in return. It was a like a fucking mating ritual had begun and I couldn’t get out of it and didn’t even know I wanted it.
He handed the coffee back to me and said “Thank you” with such a low gruff tone that I could feel the vibration of his voice inside me. He slid past me with ease and I turned to follow him. He leaned up against the counter and crossed his arms. I raised the cup to my mouth and took a drink as to show him I didn’t care that his mouth was just on it. He smiled as if to say he approved that I did that. But what really did it, what really kicked the heat up was that he watched my throat as I swallowed it. I saw his eyes peer down just enough to land on my throat so, of course, I tested it and took another sip. A longer, bigger one as to show off a bit. He almost laughed and had to adjust his stance. I have never been so immediately turned on in all my life. All it took was for him to look at me from that chair and it hit me like lighting. A full charge of electrical sex hitting me right in the bullseye. I know I was wet and not just from the rain.
“So, you had to go get a coffee in the rain?” he asked curiously. “Well, it wasn’t raining when I left and I don’t mind getting wet, I won’t melt” I said a little too confidently. He put his hand out towards me and waved me over so I took a couple steps and he took the cup again. “I didn’t know I was going to have to share or I would have gotten a bigger one” I said and as I did he looked up at me. Yeah, I meant that. And in that way. All of that way. I saw him with his pants undone already so I absolutely made the assumption. “You know my Aunt is with my family for a bit in case you were wondering still” he said as he handed the coffee back. “She wanted me to look after her place so I came into the city to do that for her after I got her off the train” I was relieved when he said that. “Good, I’m glad she’s ok, I was worried when I saw you here” I said. “You were worried?” he asked “Yes, of course” I answered back quickly and took another drink of my coffee looking at him. He leaned forward from the counter nearly right in front of me and said quietly and sharply “You didn’t look worried when you saw me”. I froze with necessity and took in a deep breath. My heart banging in my chest.
He noticed my response to him. He didn’t even hide it. He put it right out there in that living room. He drank my fucking coffee, with a smile, and I let him. I would secretly and internally vow right then that I would let him do anything to me or with me. I couldn’t even move. And I didn’t want to unless he made me move. “I was worried about her, not you” I declared. “She told me about you too, your name and age and what you liked, but she didn’t tell me just how fucking stunning you were” he said moving just a tiny bit closer. I shuttered as the room felt hotter and smaller. “She told me you were attractive but I mean, I wasn’t prepared for…..” I stopped. “For what?” he said closer still. I was silent. Scared of how I felt. Of how much I wanted him. A fucking stranger to me other than I knew his name and the few facts his aunt told me about. “For what, Liza?” he said closer still.
Oh God, he said my name.
My skin felt him. My body reacting to his closeness as my breathing hitched and the saliva in my mouth disappeared. “For you James…..for you” I said breathlessly. He was ravishing. His presence was sensually superior to any man or woman I have ever been around. It was instant. There was a gravity to him. A pull. A need. An invitation. A want that was switched on the moment I laid eyes on him. His scent was all around me. I was breathing him in. I wanted him to take me. It was like a lust bomb had exploded and the bombshell that I’d put in place to protect everything around me for so long was ready to let go. His hand reached up and took the coffee. He set it down on the counter. It was like he was reading my damn mind. He placed his hands on my cheeks and his thumbs traced my skin. He slid them down my neck and to my shoulders and slipped off my jacket. I was in just a t-shirt and jeans with black Chucks on. The jacket fell to the floor as he said “I want to kiss you” as his lips neared mine. I tilted my head up and said “Please”. His mouth fell on mine before I finished the word. Detonation. The low groan from him as I opened my mouth giving his tongue access was like that of animal. His arms enveloping me and turning around against the counter. My hands making my way around his white t-shirt covered back wanting to feel his skin so badly I shoved them up underneath. I felt his mouth turn to a smile as I did that. I leaned back and looked at him as if to ask if I could take it off. He pulled the neck of the shirt up and over his head tossing it to the floor. His dark curls falling about his face as I moved them back with my shaking hands.
What in the actual hell was I doing?
He took my hands in his and kissed them both reassuring like. I tugged my shirt up and off and tossed it over with his. I stood in my black bra and jeans. I kicked off my shoes as he stepped out of his boots. His pants still undone and I wanted them off. I slowly slid my hands around his waist to the front and pulled the zipper down feeling him behind the fabric. He leaned into my palm with another groan that I eagerly swallowed up as I kissed him harder and needier. His pants falling to the floor and he kicked out of them. He worked on my button and zipper to my jeans as he dove down to my chest and trailed kisses and nips and licks across the lace. Soon enough there wasn’t much more fabric between us. He picked me up and placed me on the counter and stood between my legs spread and wrapped around him. His eyes dancing along my body as he stopped right there. He looked up at me “I want to kiss you” as he looked down and up again while his fingers slid the fabric to the side so he could feel my wetness. I leaned back and put my feet up on him as he began to trail his mouth along my calves and to my thighs. My body responding to him with movement and sounds. His beard rubbing along my thighs felt so good. Oh so good. My hands in his hair as he got there. Right there. I could barely contain it as he kept going and I kept moving. As soon as I was close he held on and rode right through with each full body percussion that just seemed to keep coming. He kissed up my belly and to my chest again freeing my breasts from my bra as I tried to catch my breath. He nibbled and caressed me and picked me up off the counter. I could barely stand so I felt it was only fair to kneel. It was my turn to take him. But he didn’t let me do it for long. Pulling me up after just a few appetizing and appreciating minutes. The kisses still needy and primal. He wasn’t done with me and I didn’t want him to be. He turned me around and I placed my hands on the counter to steady myself. His mouth on my neck and shoulders as he slid inside me. Instantaneous gratification upon entry. Urgently I moved with him. Our bodies synched in pleasure. His skin like velvet against mine. Such thrilling satisfaction with this barely know man. A bliss I welcomed with such ease and comfort. Unalarmingly I let him have me. I let him have me as hard as he wanted. As long as he could keep going and as many times as I could handle falling over that edge with him. His hands braced for his final impact as the pressure built in me again. My body tensing and readying for release. Inaudible words and sounds loudly filled the room from both of us as we finished. Our bodies weighted and soaked with each other as we held on to that last moment, that last tingle and twinge of what just happened. Both of us reveling in it. My mind processing it as my body was still feeling it. The amusement of it. The gluttony of it. The danger of it. So unlike me but needed more than I ever knew. I accepted this good. Boy did I ever. I may never be the same and nor did I want to be now that I tasted the flavor of this one. This alien man that devoured my depression in a decadent instant and woke up everything that had been asleep inside me with his allowed intrusion. A pure self indulgent hedonistic joyride with a stranger named James that took me with a look and a couple sips of my coffee that I got in the rain. I think I need a cigarette. Glad I know someone who’s got one.
Static inside that never stops. The toxic torture of my thoughts can drown even the most depraved. Death sits outside in a lawn chair with a cocktail and a cigarette. Smiles shared as we back down the suburban driveway to the world rolling by as we’re trapped in the prison of pain that breathes on it’s own as we plan our escape. Seeking safe passage from the reality that holds hands swinging in the summer of the sunshine sinful friends that hide in the back. Peering out from the smoke and saying “Hi” with a wave as the beat goes even if we don’t.
Buggy eyed and begging I try to make sense of it all. The life that was forced upon us. Capsizing the one we had and replacing it with a new one. Shinny and suffering. Bleak and cold. Sad and dim. Gloom and fucking Doom. And as quick as it came, it’s never left. Lurking and looming with it’s greedy hands all over me. Temptation knocking on the doors and windows letting me see it all. A full frontal fucking shit show for all to see. A cancerous car crash you can’t look away from. Life wont’ let me. There’s no way home and no where to hide. Space and time and peace are long gone while necessity became survival. My sword and shield are welded to me by wounds of the war that reprogramed my mind and body. Holding on to the ropes of hope with bloodied hands.
No healing here just darkness turned around and around searching for light. Sad songs on repeat and dancing for the need of it. The movement. The pulse. The running. The fear and anger. The wishing and sinking. The lacking. The craving. The emptiness. The wanting. The memories that creep. The future, like a carousel of unknown. My mind a home to the strange and unusual. Comforted by the ghosts and the demons and angels alike. The punishment is cruel. Stinging with pain’s pleasure. Wrapped in wrong and wrecked in real. So much for so long. Bruised from the battle. Forever changed and dedicated to the dark. Home is where the heart is, even if it’s broken.
Destroyed and desperate is how he left me the last time. And he knew he would. It was like he’d been planning it. He had checked in on me and I on him. Texts and calls and let’s meet up talks happened more than once. And those addicted quickies on my lunch break or morning coffee that made me late to work or that one time after Chinese food in an alley and another trip to the book store where I sucked him off in the used crime and horror section. We had actually seen quite a bit of each other. He was in my dreams and in my reality and in my bed. So much of him in my world that I needed it. I needed him. I wanted him. Barely making it a day without him. It was a way and a want that was controlling me and I didn’t even care. I couldn’t turn back. My body wouldn’t let me.
We decided to go out one evening to a bar/restaurant that a friend of his recommended. We needed to enjoy some time out of bed and maybe take a minute to get some air that didn’t smell like sex and sin. Little did I know that was a scent that stuck on him like sensual syrup. The man just oozed sex and I was right there to lap it up.
We decided to meet there as I had a late meeting and he was still working at the bookstore occasionally. I got a text that he was there in the back but could come up to the front and meet me. I told him to stay put and I’d find him. I made sure to dress accordingly in a short black skirt, white button up tuxedo shirt with cufflinks. Fishnet thigh highs with a garter belt nicely hidden and my 90’s girl inspired boots. Bright red pouting lips ready to be kissed and my hair tucked back with diamond studs and that perfume he likes spritzed on my wrists and neck.
I made my way through the crowd of people, scanning the room for him. I didn’t see him. The bartender yelled my name and pointed towards the back. This place was old Hollywood meets the present. Red velvet draped around leather booths with dim lights, modern accents and soft bass beats playing. There were people dancing and eating around the bar. It was funky and fun. I made my way to the back area and saw him sitting there. He was a couple steps up seated in a row of chairs with all that red velvet behind him. Our eyes met and my entire body immediately warmed with want. I swallowed hard as he leaned back and slid his ring fingered hand down his lap. I wanted to suck those rings right off each finger, spit them out, and hand them to him while he watched me do it.
Fuck me he was gorgeous.
He watched me walk towards him and something in me told me to slow down and let him watch me. I stopped by the two steps that lead up to him and turned around and bent over to “tie” my boot. I know my ass was showing and he could see I was wearing thigh highs. Still bent down I turned my head to look at him, smiling. He was smiling back at me and adjusted himself as he did it. I giggled, bit my lip and stood up and made my way to him. I never took my eyes off of him and his never moved from mine. My body reacting with each step closer as I nearly began to shake craving his touch. That first touch from him. I wasn’t even sure how long we could last in public. Especially with how he was dressed and that look that was on his face as I got closer. He looked primal, like an animal that was going to devour me. And I would let him. Every single inch of me was his. He owned me with that look.
He stood to greet me and leaned in for a kiss. My arms went around him to pull him closer and it was like a damn let loose. White hot liquid heat was flowing through my body. As his lips touched mine I shuttered and a sound escaped my mouth that he gladly sucked in and responded back with a low growl that I swallowed proudly. This public display of affection needed to tone itself down before I shoved him on a table and put on an X-rated show for all to witness. I stepped back and took his hand and sat down next to where he’d been sitting. Drinks were ordered and the idle chit chat was happening but I couldn’t take my mind out of the all the things I wanted to do him gutter and I’m pretty sure he was in the same spot as I could see that in his pants.
“You wore that outfit to work?” he said questioning as his hand crept up my thigh. I grinned and said “Yes, I did”. “Did anyone notice you had these on?” he said as he snapped the top of the elastic on the thigh highs. I squirmed and put my hand on his as to say I liked it. “No one would have noticed.” I said. “I spent most of the day in my office until my meeting which was in the conference room where we were all seated”. “So it was a secret for me then?” he asked as his hand slid further up. I drew in a deep breath and the scent of him and the bar filled my lungs while my eyes closed a bit. He leaned over and pressed his lips against my neck and asked “May I?” I answered by pushing his hand further and putting my leg up on his so it wasn’t exactly for everyone’s viewing pleasure. He looked around and began to say things to me that would forever be tattooed on my mind and be sticky on my skin as his breath and lips danced all over my neck and jaw and ear. His hand was making way of the black lace panties that matched the bra and the fishnets. He pushed them over to the side with his fingers giving him access to my soaked slit. “Oh my, you are absolutely dripping” he said “I know, you do it to me” I said unsteadily as he ran his fingers along my wetness. I was happy the music seemed to be louder at that moment as the sounds that were inside me couldn’t be contained as he rounded my swollen bud with his thumb. The pressure was perfect and my body was his. He knew it. He knew me like a sexual map and he was on his way to making me cum. My hands gripping the material of his shirt and the velvet behind him. I was so close and unafraid as I opened my eyes and saw it was safe and with an instant and a lick and a bite on my neck and a quicker pace of his hand, I was done. I was over the edge and he was right there to catch me. As my body rounded the corner of pleasure and I was coming down hard on him he kissed me and took my sounds into his mouth. He drank them up as I trembled in his arms. He absorbed my satisfaction while I buzzed with gratification. Smiling he pulled his hand back and I adjusted myself and relished in what just played out right there in public.
I looked around the room as to see if anyone noticed and I didn’t see a soul who seemed to care. Most everyone was locked into a conversation or eating or on their phones or socializing to the music. He told me I was a bad girl and as I took his hand I said “I think we need to go”. I left too much money on the table, grabbed my purse and lead him through the bar towards the exit with his still wet from me hand in mine. The night air hitting our skin like a wave of reality I turned him to me and kissed him, hard. I tugged his phone out of his pocket and told him to get us a car. The Uber showed up a few minutes later and we poured ourselves into the backseat. It took all I had not to do him right there. We were seconds from accomplishing just that as the driver told us we were almost there. I smiled as he politely took my hand to help me out and we headed inside his building. It was and old unit with only a few floors and a rickety old elevator. We took the stairs and as we did, I walked ahead of him unbuttoning my shirt. Turning to show him and walking backwards, he came to me and slid it off my shoulders and took it in his hands while I made way of his shirt and took it in mine. One more flight of stairs and we’d be on his floor. Luckily, there weren’t many tenants in his building. He came closer to me and soon my back was against the wall. I was in my bra, skirt, the thigh highs and boots. He was in just his pants and shoes. Our skin touching and the cold cement wall felt good holding me up as he pushed me into it while his hips were grinding against me. My hands running all over his bare back. He shoved my skirt up as I found the button and zipper to his pants. I crammed my hand down the front and as I did he hissed and put his head back. My fingers wrapping around his length as he pumped into my hand. “Can we make it to your apartment or are you just going to fuck me right here?” I asked as I squeezed him. “Right. Here.” he said pushing me harder against the wall and pulling at black lace of my panties. I freed him from his pants and after I did I licked my palm and put it back around him. He gasped and turned me around. My hand let go and he took each one and placed it on the wall, interlacing his fingers in mine. My breasts scratching against the cement blocks as his thrusts began after his sharp entrance. The jagged sounds echoing as I pushed back against him wanting him deeper. I wanted him as far as he could go. As hard as I could handle. His hands around me and reaching for my front tugging the fabric of my bra down as he pulled out, turned me around as he dove down to kiss and suckle me. His hair in my hands as I watched him kiss and lick me all the way down. I pulled him up and turned him around and slid down to my knees. My eyes looking up tasting him and me on him. My hands up on his beautiful stomach and that V that points directly to heaven. I looked at him as I popped him out and said “Let me” and he came down to me, kissed me and put his shirt on the stair and sat on it. I took my bra off and dropped down on him. Straddling him right there on the stairs. My legs shaking and my body begging for a release again. Bucking and pressed so hard against him I kept the drive up. Feverously. Like an animal. Just like the look he had at the bar brought to life right there in the rapturous ravishment in the stairwell because we couldn’t make it to his apartment. I was close, he was close, because he said so. His hands grasping my hips and ass as I leaned back and he held me as the tousled soreness and pounding pleasure of relief came like thunder. I threw myself forward to him as he held me through the aftershocks of both of our completions. Heavy and sedated I could barely move but we had to, we needed to be in his apartment, not half naked the stairwell. We stood and as I smoothed out my skirt and he gathered up his shirt and mine and pulled up his pants, he said nearly laughing “Wow, that was fun.” He kissed my lips with a little nibble at the end and I agreed, that was definitely fun!
It’s human behavior or misbehavior rather to want what you can’t have. How could I not? Just look at him. His gaze is pure intoxication. Deep pools of lust that drag you under and you don’t give one fuck that you can’t breathe. You want him to strangle you with his sexual desire. You want the goddamn life choked out of you because your reality sucks. That’s just me being brutally honest and open to the truth. Bottom line is you’d rock his world so hard that he’d never want another but that’s not your goal or your authenticity. You just want him. Not for anything other than that one thing. Straight up, straight out, and straight in sex. There is absolutely no need for it to be anything other than that. In fact, the idea of more is just a turn off. The beauty of the distraction is what’s necessary. The veil pulled down and over so you can’t see anything past what’s in front of you. And what’s in your sights is him. A carved out of lust long lost hunger awoken sex God. You know it. He knows it. So why not just go for it? Take it for what it is exactly and just fucking do it. Do it for the greed of it. For the itch that you know you need to scratch. For the lechery will live on your skin in secret forever. Do it. You can take it. You can hold onto it for as long as your mind can remember. You need it. So does he. He wouldn’t talk to you the way he does if he didn’t and he certainly wouldn’t look at you like this. Such carnality behind those eyes. Ready and willing to make you weak. To take full advantage of you and you won’t stop him at all. In fact, the words “don’t stop” will most likely be said. You know it. He knows it. You can’t help but keep repeating that in your head. Oh and head of yours is so full of depravity and urge. An appetite that has yet to be served. Even in your real life it’s so lack luster that your fantasies often take over to compensate for the aphrodisia you covet. Night dreams and day dreams collide. You can’t help it, it’s always been that way for you and the fuel he provides is no surprise. It’s a daily need. And the heat brings added relief to the mundane and the drudgery of it all. God, the heat. The pure incandescent white hot that formed just from his words that radiated all the way down. All the way. Because that is what you require from him. What you want. Flat out. No need to sugar coat it or water it down. There’s not room for that shit here. The only thing wet, is you. Soaked and unsorted until he touches you. Until he pins you up against a wall and tells you exactly what he wants to do to you and that ache takes human form. When the existence of the yearning becomes tangible and tactile, then, you take him. And you let him please you. Be eager. Be impatient. Be ravenous. Be voracious. Be YOU!
You assumed the role when you signed up for the fun so go with it. He’s gobbling it up so give him more. Give him everything you can’t give anywhere else. Don’t be stingy. Slip down and show him how desirous you truly are. Show him what it’s all about where you let that illusions live. Where nightmares are a utopia of sensuality and reverie. Let him have it, he can take because he asked for it. Just look at him. He’s not a mirage, not this time. He’s real and in front of you ready for the frenzy. He is prepared for the debauchery. He was created for it. How could he not be with lips that curl into a grin like he has? He was born for the salaciousness that is the day dream of your own embodied sexual agony that you live with tormented by the sentiment of suffering. None of which has been self inflicted nor accepted just learned to live with. But not with him. Not with the promise of ecstasy and fever presented to you by him. The pure sultry behavior and word play better lead to action. All the action. From top to bottom action. Don’t leave one inch untouched or unbathed by the liquid heat that’s been boiling since the beginning. And who cares if it’s just a hot spell? At least it’s fun. I mean just look at him. Practically begging for calefaction. The kind of delirium that makes you want to drop on all fours and crawl for it. Tell you what to do and you’ll do it for him. All of it. Everything and everywhere. It’s just that easy. Passion that shakes. That’s what you want and he looks the part. Such an unrest that lives inside you. It damn near burns you up sometimes but you know he can put it out. Quench it. Douse it. Drown it. That’s the way. That’s how it needs to be done. Until it’s all gone. All used up. Wasted with nothing left until the next time. Blown out and blown up. By him. He’s the one that needs to do it. To do you. However you want to take it or look at it because Jesus Christ just look at him!
It can’t happen soon enough or be enough. You know once it starts it will be insatiable. You will be insatiable. Because that’s you. The little red ridding hood with the wolf. The ringleader of your circus and the one with the ace in the hole in your hallucination. Just a girl looking for a helping hand in her imagery and creativity, that’s all. No invention or intervention needed. Just bringing a fantasy fuck to life because how could I not, just look at him.
For the lack of and for the need that is, I search.
For the lost and found, the seekers and sought after. The runners and the dancers. The strangers and the lurkers. The ones in the dark and the ones looking for it, just like me.
They’re out there, waiting and needing.
Tied and bound by their imaginations. Drowning in spit on or spit out day dreams. Swimming through their ground up thoughts and swallowed fantasies, just like me.
Touched alone or touched underwater they lay there beneath the dawn of the day drenched in dread. Gooey with good because they have to be but bathed in bad and wicked with want and craving all of it, just like me.
Smoothed out creases of desire licked clean like their wounds from the past as they fold their domestic moments away for the night. Actions speak louder than words and inside they are screaming but no one hears them, just like me.
Slide down the checkered worm hole of their sensations and hold on because it’s a bumpy ride. But that’s ok, they like it rough, just like me.
Just like me because they’ve had to be.
Shadows used like band aides for the candy cuts Daddy gave them. Classified by the obscure and obsessed outside by the backdoor is where you’ll find them. Shrouded by the strange and undercover like the others are they, just like me.
Strays and the unredeemed are the ones we like. The wayward and the nowhere to be found are the sexy ones that stick around in the corners of our minds. Don’t make trouble, but if you do, do it well and be remembered for it. Leave a lasting impression or at least one that can be hidden, hidden just like me.
We’ve adapted and balanced the act. Secrets dropped to the floor and nothing held back from the blind and the deaf to our worlds. Twisting and turning around with the light but it’s always all in when the dark shines on their lap. Sit down, straddle it, ride it, whatever it takes to feel it. To feel anything other than what’s happening. That’s how they like it. Just like that. Just like me.
Who the fuck do you think you are? You don’t know me. But I know you. I know all of you. You think you’re special. You think you’re one of kind. You think you know but you have know idea at all. The one of a kind is me you see.
I write the story.
There are absolutely no copies. Only the rough draft, hand written on my skin with my words pouring from my mind to my mouth and onto you if you want to listen. Can you hear me? Even if I scream, I wonder if you’d want to turn the page or just stay where you are in the comfort of your own shoved in space. What if I drag you through the chapters? Tied and bound with nowhere to run but to me cause I have the key baby. Would you let me set you free or can I keep you captive for my pet? My precious to play with. Take you out when I want and put you back when I’m all done. Just tuck you between the pages and shut the hardcover and call it a night, or a day depending on when I open up.
It’s my time and my way, only.
Follow me for more instructions. The manual isn’t that hard to read if you just go step by step. And don’t forget to start at the top and go all the way to bottom. Repeat if necessary. Twist if necessary. Turn upside down if necessary. Just do it again because it’s necessary. Round and round she goes. Where she stops, hell, I don’t even know. Creative and crazy burning with a freakiness that’s only set loose for the willing and only appreciated by the ones who aren’t afraid of the flame. Fire and ice in the same veins is an enchanting combo for a gangster with secrets and I can keep my mouth shut but my hands must do some talking on the keyboard. Give me a pen and be all ears and we can go all damn night and after breakfast too!
A magnetic guided worded imagery of how it could be. How I want it and how you need it all set to the tune of yes Daddy and tell me more baby. A sorcerous sensual seduction from my unusual made up world written word by word, thought by thought. Fingers tracing the body in my mind, sliding the gloves on one finger at time to add to the outfit and bring out the beginning of the bad girl. Who knew how far she’d come and how far she’ll still go? I do and maybe you will, if you’re lucky. So stick around and see how much more you can take or how much more you want. And don’t be shy, tell me what you like, I might just slip it in the next paragraph. Be bold and see what happens, you might like it. You might want more. I might too.
Out of control. Spellbound and bewitched by my word whore ways. A Madame in my former life no doubt has lead me here to this spectral realm of diabolic desire conjuring up curiosity for the not so faint of heart but definitely for the fiendish fellows that need a lil’ boost. Tis so fucking fascinating to be the one typing and you the one reading.
Do enjoy and do stay tuned. There is always more to come.