Why do I even bother? Lost causes. Wasted energy. Hula hoop hope in a horned mind with separation anxiety from my imagination. Reality is a ruse in rose colored glasses tinted by the blood of my youth and my thick femininity. Who cares anymore? It is what it is and truth shows up more than lies and even in the abandoned secrets of the dark, depravity never seems to win the race even when it’s the fastest.
Maybe I’m looking in the wrong corners or what’s there is like the spider, it’s more afraid of me than I am of it……so they say. It’s lyrics that linger and life that sweats it out like the fevers that blanket my mind. Dreams of the day and of the night seem to be spread thin with anything left over from the sticky knives that stayed in longer than they should have.
Who the fuck let them in anyway? I don’t seem to recall the when or the why but those demons sure do like to play around and never ever seem to walk. All they do is fucking talk. Swollen plastic egos all produced and protected by words. Just words. That’s it. Powered and fueled by the lust of it. The need for it. The candy coated moon and stars swallowed down deep. Every last opulent drop as I became the night’s concubine because the day couldn’t handle me anymore. A Madame of mischief and melancholy mused by anything pretty or sinister. All alone but never without. Searching for something but finding nothing. Temptations allowed but mirrors don’t let them stay.
Honeyed rain on my tongue as it drips down my succulent spirit collected and cupped by my poor soured soul. How sweet it could be, the nectarous sludge of my fantasia but, the shinny always wears off. Pain is constant so why not learn to like it? It helps when you don’t care and you lose track of time and it’s unimportant, until it is. The end, the beginning, they both taste the same to me in this life. My life. Tracked and traced though desire. A conundrum of sensibility. Affection coveted and paid for with feeling and sensitivity. Trapped with intelligence wasted on the loneliness that sits next to me on the couch. Drained by devotion and fascinated with anything other than what’s in front of me. Color me curious and feed me with entertainment. Kept craving with an appetite that is too four star for this world. Extra terrestrial eagerness seems to be the constant curse I am burdened with these day. There’s no fucking balance and self care is just a healthy Fuck You screamed in silence and begged for as soon as my eyes open to the moment they close. Day dream lipstick kissed on the recreational restroom mirror of my cognition just waiting for a message back. From the heavens or from hell, we’ll see who answers first.
I came home from grabbing a coffee and saw the door cracked open to her apartment. I peaked in and as I did I knocked and pushed the door open a bit. I could smell cigarette smoke and the room felt heavy as I stepped in. I looked over towards her bedroom and the door was open with her bed made, kitchen was clean and tidy but in the living room near the window there sat a man looking out the window. A cigarette in his hand his white shirt rolled up on the one side and I could see his bicep. His pants undone and his boot covered foot hung over the side of her easy chair by the window. His face soft yet hard with a dark beard and lips the sucked on the cigarette as I said “Hello?” He turned towards me and stood immediately. I was startled by his quickness and he by my intrusion. “Who are you and what are you doing in here?” I asked. “I could ask you the same question” he replied. “I live a floor up and I just thought I would check on….” I was trying to say more when he interrupted “My aunt, I’m James, her nephew”. “Oh, ok, she’s mentioned you several times to me” I said smiling and trying to pull my wet hair off my face. He walked towards me, his pants still undone and as he closed the space between us. My lungs searched for air and my skin thickened with some odd feeling. God, what the hell was happening to my stomach, it was literally flipping all over and I swear my thighs were tingling. He took another drag off of his cigarette and put it out in a tea cup he had on the table. I wanted to take a step back but my eyes were locked into his like a goddamn tractor beam. Hell, I almost took a step closer instead. He reached out for my hand that held my coffee and he took it. “Um, that’s mine” I said as he took a sip. “Yeah, but I wanted some” he said with a grin. Every single fiber of my being was ignited right then. Every bit of me was awoken with a sexual need that was literally palpitating in my veins and in-between my legs. He took another drink and made a sound so delicious when he swallowed it I almost moaned back in return. It was a like a fucking mating ritual had begun and I couldn’t get out of it and didn’t even know I wanted it.
He handed the coffee back to me and said “Thank you” with such a low gruff tone that I could feel the vibration of his voice inside me. He slid past me with ease and I turned to follow him. He leaned up against the counter and crossed his arms. I raised the cup to my mouth and took a drink as to show him I didn’t care that his mouth was just on it. He smiled as if to say he approved that I did that. But what really did it, what really kicked the heat up was that he watched my throat as I swallowed it. I saw his eyes peer down just enough to land on my throat so, of course, I tested it and took another sip. A longer, bigger one as to show off a bit. He almost laughed and had to adjust his stance. I have never been so immediately turned on in all my life. All it took was for him to look at me from that chair and it hit me like lighting. A full charge of electrical sex hitting me right in the bullseye. I know I was wet and not just from the rain.
“So, you had to go get a coffee in the rain?” he asked curiously. “Well, it wasn’t raining when I left and I don’t mind getting wet, I won’t melt” I said a little too confidently. He put his hand out towards me and waved me over so I took a couple steps and he took the cup again. “I didn’t know I was going to have to share or I would have gotten a bigger one” I said and as I did he looked up at me. Yeah, I meant that. And in that way. All of that way. I saw him with his pants undone already so I absolutely made the assumption. “You know my Aunt is with my family for a bit in case you were wondering still” he said as he handed the coffee back. “She wanted me to look after her place so I came into the city to do that for her after I got her off the train” I was relieved when he said that. “Good, I’m glad she’s ok, I was worried when I saw you here” I said. “You were worried?” he asked “Yes, of course” I answered back quickly and took another drink of my coffee looking at him. He leaned forward from the counter nearly right in front of me and said quietly and sharply “You didn’t look worried when you saw me”. I froze with necessity and took in a deep breath. My heart banging in my chest.
He noticed my response to him. He didn’t even hide it. He put it right out there in that living room. He drank my fucking coffee, with a smile, and I let him. I would secretly and internally vow right then that I would let him do anything to me or with me. I couldn’t even move. And I didn’t want to unless he made me move. “I was worried about her, not you” I declared. “She told me about you too, your name and age and what you liked, but she didn’t tell me just how fucking stunning you were” he said moving just a tiny bit closer. I shuttered as the room felt hotter and smaller. “She told me you were attractive but I mean, I wasn’t prepared for…..” I stopped. “For what?” he said closer still. I was silent. Scared of how I felt. Of how much I wanted him. A fucking stranger to me other than I knew his name and the few facts his aunt told me about. “For what, Liza?” he said closer still.
Oh God, he said my name.
My skin felt him. My body reacting to his closeness as my breathing hitched and the saliva in my mouth disappeared. “For you James…..for you” I said breathlessly. He was ravishing. His presence was sensually superior to any man or woman I have ever been around. It was instant. There was a gravity to him. A pull. A need. An invitation. A want that was switched on the moment I laid eyes on him. His scent was all around me. I was breathing him in. I wanted him to take me. It was like a lust bomb had exploded and the bombshell that I’d put in place to protect everything around me for so long was ready to let go. His hand reached up and took the coffee. He set it down on the counter. It was like he was reading my damn mind. He placed his hands on my cheeks and his thumbs traced my skin. He slid them down my neck and to my shoulders and slipped off my jacket. I was in just a t-shirt and jeans with black Chucks on. The jacket fell to the floor as he said “I want to kiss you” as his lips neared mine. I tilted my head up and said “Please”. His mouth fell on mine before I finished the word. Detonation. The low groan from him as I opened my mouth giving his tongue access was like that of animal. His arms enveloping me and turning around against the counter. My hands making my way around his white t-shirt covered back wanting to feel his skin so badly I shoved them up underneath. I felt his mouth turn to a smile as I did that. I leaned back and looked at him as if to ask if I could take it off. He pulled the neck of the shirt up and over his head tossing it to the floor. His dark curls falling about his face as I moved them back with my shaking hands.
What in the actual hell was I doing?
He took my hands in his and kissed them both reassuring like. I tugged my shirt up and off and tossed it over with his. I stood in my black bra and jeans. I kicked off my shoes as he stepped out of his boots. His pants still undone and I wanted them off. I slowly slid my hands around his waist to the front and pulled the zipper down feeling him behind the fabric. He leaned into my palm with another groan that I eagerly swallowed up as I kissed him harder and needier. His pants falling to the floor and he kicked out of them. He worked on my button and zipper to my jeans as he dove down to my chest and trailed kisses and nips and licks across the lace. Soon enough there wasn’t much more fabric between us. He picked me up and placed me on the counter and stood between my legs spread and wrapped around him. His eyes dancing along my body as he stopped right there. He looked up at me “I want to kiss you” as he looked down and up again while his fingers slid the fabric to the side so he could feel my wetness. I leaned back and put my feet up on him as he began to trail his mouth along my calves and to my thighs. My body responding to him with movement and sounds. His beard rubbing along my thighs felt so good. Oh so good. My hands in his hair as he got there. Right there. I could barely contain it as he kept going and I kept moving. As soon as I was close he held on and rode right through with each full body percussion that just seemed to keep coming. He kissed up my belly and to my chest again freeing my breasts from my bra as I tried to catch my breath. He nibbled and caressed me and picked me up off the counter. I could barely stand so I felt it was only fair to kneel. It was my turn to take him. But he didn’t let me do it for long. Pulling me up after just a few appetizing and appreciating minutes. The kisses still needy and primal. He wasn’t done with me and I didn’t want him to be. He turned me around and I placed my hands on the counter to steady myself. His mouth on my neck and shoulders as he slid inside me. Instantaneous gratification upon entry. Urgently I moved with him. Our bodies synched in pleasure. His skin like velvet against mine. Such thrilling satisfaction with this barely know man. A bliss I welcomed with such ease and comfort. Unalarmingly I let him have me. I let him have me as hard as he wanted. As long as he could keep going and as many times as I could handle falling over that edge with him. His hands braced for his final impact as the pressure built in me again. My body tensing and readying for release. Inaudible words and sounds loudly filled the room from both of us as we finished. Our bodies weighted and soaked with each other as we held on to that last moment, that last tingle and twinge of what just happened. Both of us reveling in it. My mind processing it as my body was still feeling it. The amusement of it. The gluttony of it. The danger of it. So unlike me but needed more than I ever knew. I accepted this good. Boy did I ever. I may never be the same and nor did I want to be now that I tasted the flavor of this one. This alien man that devoured my depression in a decadent instant and woke up everything that had been asleep inside me with his allowed intrusion. A pure self indulgent hedonistic joyride with a stranger named James that took me with a look and a couple sips of my coffee that I got in the rain. I think I need a cigarette. Glad I know someone who’s got one.
Static inside that never stops. The toxic torture of my thoughts can drown even the most depraved. Death sits outside in a lawn chair with a cocktail and a cigarette. Smiles shared as we back down the suburban driveway to the world rolling by as we’re trapped in the prison of pain that breathes on it’s own as we plan our escape. Seeking safe passage from the reality that holds hands swinging in the summer of the sunshine sinful friends that hide in the back. Peering out from the smoke and saying “Hi” with a wave as the beat goes even if we don’t.
Buggy eyed and begging I try to make sense of it all. The life that was forced upon us. Capsizing the one we had and replacing it with a new one. Shinny and suffering. Bleak and cold. Sad and dim. Gloom and fucking Doom. And as quick as it came, it’s never left. Lurking and looming with it’s greedy hands all over me. Temptation knocking on the doors and windows letting me see it all. A full frontal fucking shit show for all to see. A cancerous car crash you can’t look away from. Life wont’ let me. There’s no way home and no where to hide. Space and time and peace are long gone while necessity became survival. My sword and shield are welded to me by wounds of the war that reprogramed my mind and body. Holding on to the ropes of hope with bloodied hands.
No healing here just darkness turned around and around searching for light. Sad songs on repeat and dancing for the need of it. The movement. The pulse. The running. The fear and anger. The wishing and sinking. The lacking. The craving. The emptiness. The wanting. The memories that creep. The future, like a carousel of unknown. My mind a home to the strange and unusual. Comforted by the ghosts and the demons and angels alike. The punishment is cruel. Stinging with pain’s pleasure. Wrapped in wrong and wrecked in real. So much for so long. Bruised from the battle. Forever changed and dedicated to the dark. Home is where the heart is, even if it’s broken.
Destroyed and desperate is how he left me the last time. And he knew he would. It was like he’d been planning it. He had checked in on me and I on him. Texts and calls and let’s meet up talks happened more than once. And those addicted quickies on my lunch break or morning coffee that made me late to work or that one time after Chinese food in an alley and another trip to the book store where I sucked him off in the used crime and horror section. We had actually seen quite a bit of each other. He was in my dreams and in my reality and in my bed. So much of him in my world that I needed it. I needed him. I wanted him. Barely making it a day without him. It was a way and a want that was controlling me and I didn’t even care. I couldn’t turn back. My body wouldn’t let me.
We decided to go out one evening to a bar/restaurant that a friend of his recommended. We needed to enjoy some time out of bed and maybe take a minute to get some air that didn’t smell like sex and sin. Little did I know that was a scent that stuck on him like sensual syrup. The man just oozed sex and I was right there to lap it up.
We decided to meet there as I had a late meeting and he was still working at the bookstore occasionally. I got a text that he was there in the back but could come up to the front and meet me. I told him to stay put and I’d find him. I made sure to dress accordingly in a short black skirt, white button up tuxedo shirt with cufflinks. Fishnet thigh highs with a garter belt nicely hidden and my 90’s girl inspired boots. Bright red pouting lips ready to be kissed and my hair tucked back with diamond studs and that perfume he likes spritzed on my wrists and neck.
I made my way through the crowd of people, scanning the room for him. I didn’t see him. The bartender yelled my name and pointed towards the back. This place was old Hollywood meets the present. Red velvet draped around leather booths with dim lights, modern accents and soft bass beats playing. There were people dancing and eating around the bar. It was funky and fun. I made my way to the back area and saw him sitting there. He was a couple steps up seated in a row of chairs with all that red velvet behind him. Our eyes met and my entire body immediately warmed with want. I swallowed hard as he leaned back and slid his ring fingered hand down his lap. I wanted to suck those rings right off each finger, spit them out, and hand them to him while he watched me do it.
Fuck me he was gorgeous.
He watched me walk towards him and something in me told me to slow down and let him watch me. I stopped by the two steps that lead up to him and turned around and bent over to “tie” my boot. I know my ass was showing and he could see I was wearing thigh highs. Still bent down I turned my head to look at him, smiling. He was smiling back at me and adjusted himself as he did it. I giggled, bit my lip and stood up and made my way to him. I never took my eyes off of him and his never moved from mine. My body reacting with each step closer as I nearly began to shake craving his touch. That first touch from him. I wasn’t even sure how long we could last in public. Especially with how he was dressed and that look that was on his face as I got closer. He looked primal, like an animal that was going to devour me. And I would let him. Every single inch of me was his. He owned me with that look.
He stood to greet me and leaned in for a kiss. My arms went around him to pull him closer and it was like a damn let loose. White hot liquid heat was flowing through my body. As his lips touched mine I shuttered and a sound escaped my mouth that he gladly sucked in and responded back with a low growl that I swallowed proudly. This public display of affection needed to tone itself down before I shoved him on a table and put on an X-rated show for all to witness. I stepped back and took his hand and sat down next to where he’d been sitting. Drinks were ordered and the idle chit chat was happening but I couldn’t take my mind out of the all the things I wanted to do him gutter and I’m pretty sure he was in the same spot as I could see that in his pants.
“You wore that outfit to work?” he said questioning as his hand crept up my thigh. I grinned and said “Yes, I did”. “Did anyone notice you had these on?” he said as he snapped the top of the elastic on the thigh highs. I squirmed and put my hand on his as to say I liked it. “No one would have noticed.” I said. “I spent most of the day in my office until my meeting which was in the conference room where we were all seated”. “So it was a secret for me then?” he asked as his hand slid further up. I drew in a deep breath and the scent of him and the bar filled my lungs while my eyes closed a bit. He leaned over and pressed his lips against my neck and asked “May I?” I answered by pushing his hand further and putting my leg up on his so it wasn’t exactly for everyone’s viewing pleasure. He looked around and began to say things to me that would forever be tattooed on my mind and be sticky on my skin as his breath and lips danced all over my neck and jaw and ear. His hand was making way of the black lace panties that matched the bra and the fishnets. He pushed them over to the side with his fingers giving him access to my soaked slit. “Oh my, you are absolutely dripping” he said “I know, you do it to me” I said unsteadily as he ran his fingers along my wetness. I was happy the music seemed to be louder at that moment as the sounds that were inside me couldn’t be contained as he rounded my swollen bud with his thumb. The pressure was perfect and my body was his. He knew it. He knew me like a sexual map and he was on his way to making me cum. My hands gripping the material of his shirt and the velvet behind him. I was so close and unafraid as I opened my eyes and saw it was safe and with an instant and a lick and a bite on my neck and a quicker pace of his hand, I was done. I was over the edge and he was right there to catch me. As my body rounded the corner of pleasure and I was coming down hard on him he kissed me and took my sounds into his mouth. He drank them up as I trembled in his arms. He absorbed my satisfaction while I buzzed with gratification. Smiling he pulled his hand back and I adjusted myself and relished in what just played out right there in public.
I looked around the room as to see if anyone noticed and I didn’t see a soul who seemed to care. Most everyone was locked into a conversation or eating or on their phones or socializing to the music. He told me I was a bad girl and as I took his hand I said “I think we need to go”. I left too much money on the table, grabbed my purse and lead him through the bar towards the exit with his still wet from me hand in mine. The night air hitting our skin like a wave of reality I turned him to me and kissed him, hard. I tugged his phone out of his pocket and told him to get us a car. The Uber showed up a few minutes later and we poured ourselves into the backseat. It took all I had not to do him right there. We were seconds from accomplishing just that as the driver told us we were almost there. I smiled as he politely took my hand to help me out and we headed inside his building. It was and old unit with only a few floors and a rickety old elevator. We took the stairs and as we did, I walked ahead of him unbuttoning my shirt. Turning to show him and walking backwards, he came to me and slid it off my shoulders and took it in his hands while I made way of his shirt and took it in mine. One more flight of stairs and we’d be on his floor. Luckily, there weren’t many tenants in his building. He came closer to me and soon my back was against the wall. I was in my bra, skirt, the thigh highs and boots. He was in just his pants and shoes. Our skin touching and the cold cement wall felt good holding me up as he pushed me into it while his hips were grinding against me. My hands running all over his bare back. He shoved my skirt up as I found the button and zipper to his pants. I crammed my hand down the front and as I did he hissed and put his head back. My fingers wrapping around his length as he pumped into my hand. “Can we make it to your apartment or are you just going to fuck me right here?” I asked as I squeezed him. “Right. Here.” he said pushing me harder against the wall and pulling at black lace of my panties. I freed him from his pants and after I did I licked my palm and put it back around him. He gasped and turned me around. My hand let go and he took each one and placed it on the wall, interlacing his fingers in mine. My breasts scratching against the cement blocks as his thrusts began after his sharp entrance. The jagged sounds echoing as I pushed back against him wanting him deeper. I wanted him as far as he could go. As hard as I could handle. His hands around me and reaching for my front tugging the fabric of my bra down as he pulled out, turned me around as he dove down to kiss and suckle me. His hair in my hands as I watched him kiss and lick me all the way down. I pulled him up and turned him around and slid down to my knees. My eyes looking up tasting him and me on him. My hands up on his beautiful stomach and that V that points directly to heaven. I looked at him as I popped him out and said “Let me” and he came down to me, kissed me and put his shirt on the stair and sat on it. I took my bra off and dropped down on him. Straddling him right there on the stairs. My legs shaking and my body begging for a release again. Bucking and pressed so hard against him I kept the drive up. Feverously. Like an animal. Just like the look he had at the bar brought to life right there in the rapturous ravishment in the stairwell because we couldn’t make it to his apartment. I was close, he was close, because he said so. His hands grasping my hips and ass as I leaned back and he held me as the tousled soreness and pounding pleasure of relief came like thunder. I threw myself forward to him as he held me through the aftershocks of both of our completions. Heavy and sedated I could barely move but we had to, we needed to be in his apartment, not half naked the stairwell. We stood and as I smoothed out my skirt and he gathered up his shirt and mine and pulled up his pants, he said nearly laughing “Wow, that was fun.” He kissed my lips with a little nibble at the end and I agreed, that was definitely fun!
It’s human behavior or misbehavior rather to want what you can’t have. How could I not? Just look at him. His gaze is pure intoxication. Deep pools of lust that drag you under and you don’t give one fuck that you can’t breathe. You want him to strangle you with his sexual desire. You want the goddamn life choked out of you because your reality sucks. That’s just me being brutally honest and open to the truth. Bottom line is you’d rock his world so hard that he’d never want another but that’s not your goal or your authenticity. You just want him. Not for anything other than that one thing. Straight up, straight out, and straight in sex. There is absolutely no need for it to be anything other than that. In fact, the idea of more is just a turn off. The beauty of the distraction is what’s necessary. The veil pulled down and over so you can’t see anything past what’s in front of you. And what’s in your sights is him. A carved out of lust long lost hunger awoken sex God. You know it. He knows it. So why not just go for it? Take it for what it is exactly and just fucking do it. Do it for the greed of it. For the itch that you know you need to scratch. For the lechery will live on your skin in secret forever. Do it. You can take it. You can hold onto it for as long as your mind can remember. You need it. So does he. He wouldn’t talk to you the way he does if he didn’t and he certainly wouldn’t look at you like this. Such carnality behind those eyes. Ready and willing to make you weak. To take full advantage of you and you won’t stop him at all. In fact, the words “don’t stop” will most likely be said. You know it. He knows it. You can’t help but keep repeating that in your head. Oh and head of yours is so full of depravity and urge. An appetite that has yet to be served. Even in your real life it’s so lack luster that your fantasies often take over to compensate for the aphrodisia you covet. Night dreams and day dreams collide. You can’t help it, it’s always been that way for you and the fuel he provides is no surprise. It’s a daily need. And the heat brings added relief to the mundane and the drudgery of it all. God, the heat. The pure incandescent white hot that formed just from his words that radiated all the way down. All the way. Because that is what you require from him. What you want. Flat out. No need to sugar coat it or water it down. There’s not room for that shit here. The only thing wet, is you. Soaked and unsorted until he touches you. Until he pins you up against a wall and tells you exactly what he wants to do to you and that ache takes human form. When the existence of the yearning becomes tangible and tactile, then, you take him. And you let him please you. Be eager. Be impatient. Be ravenous. Be voracious. Be YOU!
You assumed the role when you signed up for the fun so go with it. He’s gobbling it up so give him more. Give him everything you can’t give anywhere else. Don’t be stingy. Slip down and show him how desirous you truly are. Show him what it’s all about where you let that illusions live. Where nightmares are a utopia of sensuality and reverie. Let him have it, he can take because he asked for it. Just look at him. He’s not a mirage, not this time. He’s real and in front of you ready for the frenzy. He is prepared for the debauchery. He was created for it. How could he not be with lips that curl into a grin like he has? He was born for the salaciousness that is the day dream of your own embodied sexual agony that you live with tormented by the sentiment of suffering. None of which has been self inflicted nor accepted just learned to live with. But not with him. Not with the promise of ecstasy and fever presented to you by him. The pure sultry behavior and word play better lead to action. All the action. From top to bottom action. Don’t leave one inch untouched or unbathed by the liquid heat that’s been boiling since the beginning. And who cares if it’s just a hot spell? At least it’s fun. I mean just look at him. Practically begging for calefaction. The kind of delirium that makes you want to drop on all fours and crawl for it. Tell you what to do and you’ll do it for him. All of it. Everything and everywhere. It’s just that easy. Passion that shakes. That’s what you want and he looks the part. Such an unrest that lives inside you. It damn near burns you up sometimes but you know he can put it out. Quench it. Douse it. Drown it. That’s the way. That’s how it needs to be done. Until it’s all gone. All used up. Wasted with nothing left until the next time. Blown out and blown up. By him. He’s the one that needs to do it. To do you. However you want to take it or look at it because Jesus Christ just look at him!
It can’t happen soon enough or be enough. You know once it starts it will be insatiable. You will be insatiable. Because that’s you. The little red ridding hood with the wolf. The ringleader of your circus and the one with the ace in the hole in your hallucination. Just a girl looking for a helping hand in her imagery and creativity, that’s all. No invention or intervention needed. Just bringing a fantasy fuck to life because how could I not, just look at him.
For the lack of and for the need that is, I search.
For the lost and found, the seekers and sought after. The runners and the dancers. The strangers and the lurkers. The ones in the dark and the ones looking for it, just like me.
They’re out there, waiting and needing.
Tied and bound by their imaginations. Drowning in spit on or spit out day dreams. Swimming through their ground up thoughts and swallowed fantasies, just like me.
Touched alone or touched underwater they lay there beneath the dawn of the day drenched in dread. Gooey with good because they have to be but bathed in bad and wicked with want and craving all of it, just like me.
Smoothed out creases of desire licked clean like their wounds from the past as they fold their domestic moments away for the night. Actions speak louder than words and inside they are screaming but no one hears them, just like me.
Slide down the checkered worm hole of their sensations and hold on because it’s a bumpy ride. But that’s ok, they like it rough, just like me.
Just like me because they’ve had to be.
Shadows used like band aides for the candy cuts Daddy gave them. Classified by the obscure and obsessed outside by the backdoor is where you’ll find them. Shrouded by the strange and undercover like the others are they, just like me.
Strays and the unredeemed are the ones we like. The wayward and the nowhere to be found are the sexy ones that stick around in the corners of our minds. Don’t make trouble, but if you do, do it well and be remembered for it. Leave a lasting impression or at least one that can be hidden, hidden just like me.
We’ve adapted and balanced the act. Secrets dropped to the floor and nothing held back from the blind and the deaf to our worlds. Twisting and turning around with the light but it’s always all in when the dark shines on their lap. Sit down, straddle it, ride it, whatever it takes to feel it. To feel anything other than what’s happening. That’s how they like it. Just like that. Just like me.
Who the fuck do you think you are? You don’t know me. But I know you. I know all of you. You think you’re special. You think you’re one of kind. You think you know but you have know idea at all. The one of a kind is me you see.
I write the story.
There are absolutely no copies. Only the rough draft, hand written on my skin with my words pouring from my mind to my mouth and onto you if you want to listen. Can you hear me? Even if I scream, I wonder if you’d want to turn the page or just stay where you are in the comfort of your own shoved in space. What if I drag you through the chapters? Tied and bound with nowhere to run but to me cause I have the key baby. Would you let me set you free or can I keep you captive for my pet? My precious to play with. Take you out when I want and put you back when I’m all done. Just tuck you between the pages and shut the hardcover and call it a night, or a day depending on when I open up.
It’s my time and my way, only.
Follow me for more instructions. The manual isn’t that hard to read if you just go step by step. And don’t forget to start at the top and go all the way to bottom. Repeat if necessary. Twist if necessary. Turn upside down if necessary. Just do it again because it’s necessary. Round and round she goes. Where she stops, hell, I don’t even know. Creative and crazy burning with a freakiness that’s only set loose for the willing and only appreciated by the ones who aren’t afraid of the flame. Fire and ice in the same veins is an enchanting combo for a gangster with secrets and I can keep my mouth shut but my hands must do some talking on the keyboard. Give me a pen and be all ears and we can go all damn night and after breakfast too!
A magnetic guided worded imagery of how it could be. How I want it and how you need it all set to the tune of yes Daddy and tell me more baby. A sorcerous sensual seduction from my unusual made up world written word by word, thought by thought. Fingers tracing the body in my mind, sliding the gloves on one finger at time to add to the outfit and bring out the beginning of the bad girl. Who knew how far she’d come and how far she’ll still go? I do and maybe you will, if you’re lucky. So stick around and see how much more you can take or how much more you want. And don’t be shy, tell me what you like, I might just slip it in the next paragraph. Be bold and see what happens, you might like it. You might want more. I might too.
Out of control. Spellbound and bewitched by my word whore ways. A Madame in my former life no doubt has lead me here to this spectral realm of diabolic desire conjuring up curiosity for the not so faint of heart but definitely for the fiendish fellows that need a lil’ boost. Tis so fucking fascinating to be the one typing and you the one reading.
Do enjoy and do stay tuned. There is always more to come.
Disco diamond day dreams lurking in the back. Peeking out from behind the normal. No need to keep them hidden when the agenda is writing itself. Don’t fear it. Don’t let go of it. Find it in the dark. Let it possess you and take you over like a sullen melody with broken wings. Let it cover you like a fleece blanket by the fire in autumn. Let it become you. But always keep an eye on it’s hands.
You have no one to prove it to and you have no switch to hit. There’s just that little bit left to uncover so rip it off and stand in that stoned spotlight for all to see. No shame no burden, just you. Just you being you for all the world to see, even if it’s just a mirror. A realm for the hopeless lusters that linger for fun. Passers by and watchers ogling for and drooling for the tasty scraps left from the fantasy feast you so willingly provide. But darling, don’t forget to feed yourself even at that empty table. Don’t you dare go hungry for them. Why take less, when there’s always room for more? That’s what I always say. And yell it if you must so you don’t forget. So loud it hurts and leaves you horse. All the while your mind is kicking and screaming for it all. Chaos abundant in the shadows and cheerleaders run dry and run out when you’ve been there too long. So buck up babe and hold on because even in the darkest of waters, the weird stays thick and the monsters love to play. So don’t forget to give them a show because who doesn’t like to watch?
Whether you take the back seat or the drivers seat, it’s on.
No escape. No more bullshit. It’s all right there in black and white splattered and spinning with red.
Don’t get dizzy before you take a taste.
Steady yourself. Get in position.
Once the toxin of paradise is sipped you can’t help yourself, you’re going to chug it, gulp it all down. Let it drip and dribble from your mouth. Catch it with your hands and lick it off your fingers if you must. But get it all.
Every. Last. Drop.
Forage and hunt and gather that shit. Then lap it up like a good girl and don’t forget to bow you head to the master within otherwise it was all for nothing. And you don’t want to get punished. Or do you?
Do you slow your lover lust filled roll or do you quicken the lip biting pace? It’s all screams on the emotional rollercoaster when it’s time with the girl next door in your head. The poor thing’s afraid of ghosts so turn the lights off and let those bad boys in.
Slide and slime under the floral scented sheets with your eyes closed. Open them at your will but remember what you’ll see can’t be unseen and forever burned into your succulent sweat soaked skin. Savor it in your whispered secret sweet dreams.
Wicked games played in necessary silence. Spread wide with an eager, greedy hunger inside your illicit sanctuary.
Go all the way in it. So far you can’t come back. Hide out in it. Seek shelter in it. Be your own witness protected in it. So deep in it you don’t even know who the hell you are in it.
Just pick you poison baby and let it go to work. You have a few to choose from so just point and shoot and see who bleeds.
Durable and hard as nails.
Only the strong will survive and that’s the only way you know how to do it.
So hold on, we’re almost there. The grand finale. The big bad finish. Bring in the heavy duty fantastic floating fantasy reinforcements. Pull out all the sloppy stops.
Now breathe. Shiver and shake it out. Aftershocks slithering around you and up you and in you. Take it down. Swallow it. And remember how good it tastes so next time you won’t be afraid.
No backfires, just thunder. Appreciate it. Accept it and absolutely indulge in it.
Take a trip down fantasia lane for that riddled release you crave. No need to look back or take a rest, you can do that when you’re all done. Strap in or strap on just be sure to push down real hard on that safety bar so you don’t fall off or fall out.
Tick tock to the top, don’t stop.
Sing along with the siren song in your head and follow those bitches down, down, down. Keep going. All the way. Swirling saucers and sauces poured out from those deep dark alien inhabited caverns of your imagination. Finger licking good baby, that’s how we do it here in candy land.
Knock knock, who’s there?
Let them in, let them all in. And once they’re in, let them stay awhile. Get all homey and cozy and comfy and roomy with them. Get all oozy and woozy and tickled by them. It’s why you invited them, so you might as well be a good girl of a host, pull up your knee socks and cut the crusts off the sandwiches and take BIG ol’ bite and swallow it all down. Clink those tea cups. Jiggle that jello. Suck that sucker. Squeeze that marshmallow. Frost your lips with icing and smile big cause that’s what it’s all about. Turn that frown upside down while you lose yourself and find that sugar slice of nice and kitty cat lap it all up. Don’t you dare let it go to waste. Not one drip drop or sprinkle. It’s all yours for the taking so take it all. Take it all baby doll and if you’re good, you’ll get a treat.
So be good. Unless you’re bad, be good at that too because you can’t always be candy apple red sometimes you have go bat black licorice bad and bite that bad right in half. Show it who’s boss. Whip it. Lick it. Need it. Make it beg. Master it. That’s how it goes in the mind sometimes. The ol’ back and forth. Fuck the balance just pick a side daddio and see how goes.
Sunshine and rain, both taste good you just have to add some sugar.