Sunshine Melancholy

black_bird_mask_by_kitttykat

Laying in bed with the want to stay there all day I drift between the unconsciousness and waking.  Draped in a day dream of a far off land.  One where solitude is sanctuary and the sunshine wakes you with a kiss.  Soft subtle breezes swoop in the open door and land next to me bringing the fresh scent of brine from the ocean and the salt stays on my skin and I can taste in on my lips.  Reality proves different with darkness and the twinkling of the nightlight lit room where only my thoughts await.

Forced out of bed to start the dispirited day I put one foot in front of the other to the bathroom.  My hair a mess and my skin oiled from last nights make up still on.  Eyes glossy and red with mood. Never ready for the unknown of the day because what’s prepared may fall prey to what’s to happen instead.  Fear driven panic dressed with a superhero t-shirt and slippery with cherry chapstick. Reality loses the game when luxurious thoughts lay around ready to be plucked and tasted.

A change of clothes and a change of attitude as medical music is piped from every room from mine to his to the kitchen and the family room.  Just a moment and my mouth turns to a grin as the familiar melodies remind me of another time and my body finds the rhythm.  Around I go, where I stop, hell I don’t know.  Just.  Keep.  Going.  There is no time for a break down or even a pit stop some days. Lose yourself in the lyrics and find yourself anew.  Time transported by a song and my dismal disposition turned sweeter much like sipping a fine disco lemonade or a classic rock cocktail and feeling the icy cold words slide down my throat puckering those ruby red lips with delight.

Night meets day where the sun and the moon meet half way in the sky and Orion hides on the other side of the earth while the trees sway their good mornings and the crickets quiet.

Moments of melancholy madness slip in and out like sunbeams that shoot through the clouds and my mind runs away chasing the late white rabbit and I try to get lost.  Smiling and nodding hellos and good days to the strangers in the hallways of the buildings lining the fabricated world that I can create just by seeking it.  Solo drug free mind tripping with eyes closed, fixed on the meditation of my imagination.

It’s just another day in the primrose paradise of my homemade mirage while the washer turns, the dishes soak and I hit each stop light on the way to school.  Fantasia fueled focusing used in defense of the day.  Drowning out the desperation of the past and the curiosity of the future.  Welcome to lost soul Sunday’s with the dismal disconnect caused by the chores of the mundane where you grab at happiness whenever necessary.  Constantly fixated on the wonders of reflective reasoning.  Bowing down to Chimera and the artistry of her illusions.

The space and silence before the storm is defining inside my spirit and the electricity is alive and stagnant at the same time.  More often than not I find myself seeking deserted and solitary shelter before it hits.  Like a lone forsaken solider left on the fields of battle to tend to his own wounds.  No clearing of the smoke and no sun through the clouds.   Just a smile behind the mask of make-believe comforted by it’s tenderness.

But, in the immortal words of my generation “it can’t rain all the time”.

 

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