Push it down, all the way down. As deep as it can go but so you can still breathe. Unless you don’t want to. Then let it choke you. Let it drown you. Soaked and saturated to the absolute bone. Your skin sliding off to the depths of the darkness that lies awake at night. Leaving you with nothing but the raw and the wide open. Bitten and bruised and bewildered. Wanted and needed because that’s how it goes and there’s not a goddamn thing you can do about it but just fucking take it. Day in and day out. You run and you hide but only for the moment. And those are the moments you need. The moments you crave. The moments that you have allowed to etch and sketch into your brain. Twisting and turning but don’t shake it or it disappears. You know. You remember.

Hold it. Right there. Right in the deep. That spot. The one where you’ve been before. The one where you put the things you can’t quite describe or tell. The pain parts. The push it in and down pieces. The way you put them there is just how they need to be put. Don’t let anyone tell you how or when either. That’s for you to decide. And maybe, just maybe you let it out. Just a little. Not all of it because no one can handle that. No one. But don’t forget it’s there. And if it leaks out, suck it back in.

Or just follow it down. Down under the waves of reality. Suck in that breath and hold it. Again and again until it’s over. Just wait with baited want for more because it will come. It always does, whether you’re ready or not. It doesn’t even count to ten anymore. Hide and seek for adults sucks. I hate playing but I guess it’s all part of it or so they say. I like my own games, not life’s. I want the time out. The finish line. The end. The release. The necessary. The fucking break. I want to watch it sink in. I want to see it all the way. Rip the blindfold off. The darkness doesn’t scare me I like to watch.

Peace and quiet is a gem made from mud that’s at the bottom where the wild things are. The odd. The weird. The unique. The strange and unusual. That’s where the drowned things like it. We like it there beneath it all. Knelt beneath the waves. Looking up. Gagged up tears don’t show under water and no matter how hard you have had to take it, even the best girls aren’t waterproof. Good girls drown just like bad girls do so why not live it out the pay day and just fucking work it. Accept and allow. Liquid love. Bathe in it. Fuck it. Run away and come back. It will still be there and so will you. Alive and better just a little more wet and pretty and polished from the shinny you found in depths.