Put it back. Put it back where it came from. Underneath. Behind. Hidden. No light to penetrate it, only the dark for company. Jealous of the sun the moon plays with me better than anyone. Demons worthy of my love biting at my thoughts. Lost in the day dreams that fuel the hours that tick by as I wait. Wait for something, anything to ease it. To release it. Let it go but not too much. Not too fast. Not while anyone’s looking either, we wouldn’t want eyes upon it. No no. Not this. Extra and necessary are often the result of the unwanted and the unwanted are the sorcerers that seek it out in the corners of the night. The rooms where shadows are hosted. The houses where ghosts reside and the living are dead inside and are welcome. Don’t push too hard either. We don’t like that here. We like it nice and gentle because when it’s rough we’re used to it. Our scars and wounds are one in the same and proudly on display and there’s not a single apology for it. We take it like champs and don’t even flinch when hit anymore. Flog me with fantasy. I like it. Make it sting with the the slap of the leather against my skin. It’s ok. I can take it. I’ve been taking it. I have learned to allow it. I’ve learned to adapt to the depths of how it feels. Numb isn’t even a thing anymore. No fucks to give, nah, I’m a whore with my fucks. Giving them all but at a price. 20 bucks for the front seat, 50 for the back. Gotta keep that hustle up. And don’t forget to smile. They like that better than tears. Hide that shit down and don’t bring it up in mixed company. Debbie Downer doesn’t look good anymore. It’s drug on too long and the dragging is like anchors tied around my neck, choking the very life out of my present. Self sabotaged by the past and locked up by the worry warden of the future. Hold on because it’s not just a bumpy ride, it’s a shit show circus with no way out but to spin in circles until we all fall down.

Will I ever come out on the other side? Even upside down like my beloved Alice. I’d take it. I’d take a seat at that tea party and enjoy the fuck out of the madness and lunacy. In like minded company isn’t a bad thing in the make believe of it all. Depraved and deprived. Lost and lusting. Willing and worn. Shattered and slathered. Let me go. Just for bit. I’ll be back again and again and again. It’s not a promise or a threat, it’s my life. Multiple redo’s and reruns of the same episode that won’t even pause anymore because it’s played too long. No finish line for the weak and the want to be wasted. That’s not how it works here. Treading water in a hurricane. Static under my skin can be identified by the provocative. Bewitched by the charge. Tainted by the dynamic. Roused by the curious and juiced by the bold. It’s not everyday you meet one like me. One of a kind, I guess. A product of circumstance. A creation of unfavorable conditions. Dominant domain held by the captain of this one course ship. Ambiance of sadness and the alliance of my imagination. And an aura of anger to hold on to when the fuel runs low. Desperate and pleading running through the zoo of my twilight. Blackout begging and aching for the one little or big thing to give it to me good, good and hard. Restoration.